OK…everyone sound off! I need to know if this happens to anyone else?

(I’m sure it does but I thought it was a good opening line).

In my house, there is a vicious cycle. It is ever perpetuating, and the source of constant frustration for both my wife and myself…it goes like this…

Wifey: Hon, have you seen my shoes?

Me: I don’t remember where did you leave them?

Wifey: I don’t know…over there…(waves in a vague direction).

Me: Did you check the shoe bin? Or under our bed?

Wifey: I don’t put my shoes in the bin, and I looked in our room.

I’ll get up, walk to the bedroom, no they are not under the bed, I stand up and look in the corner on her side of the bed. I slightly move the baby’s Spiderman fold up sofa bed, (which weighs like 2lbs), and lo and behold there they are.

Me: Here you go…they were in our room.

Wifey: Where? I didn’t see them when I looked in there?

Me: Did you look for them or did you just look where you thought they should be?

Wifey: If you stopped moving my stuff, I’d find them just fine!

Me: If you put your stuff away, instead of leaving it all over, I wouldn’t move your stuff…

and so forth and so on…

From keys, to shoes to books,’s all the same. She puts it down, where she will be sure to find them again, which is usually in the middle of the room or on an end table or in the middle of the kitchen counter etc.

I’ll come along and straighten up, cause I HATE to see clutter…I NEED empty spaces around me, but of course with my ADD, I have the memory of a slice of toast brain, I forget where I move stuff to the second it leaves my hand. (Strangely enough, when I go through drawers etc, and see something there, I’ll remember it’s there though, I just can’t remember actually putting it there).

And the other half of this is that when she looks for something, she doesn’t actually look. She looks for things, where they are supposed to be, and maybe will glance around the immediate area too, but she won’t move something to see if it’s behind something, or lift up a piece of paper to see what’s underneath it. It never crosses her mind.

So many times I’ll ask where she had it last and go look there, only to move a pile of something and lo and behold the item is there! In the spot where it’s supposed to be, just behind something else.

Aspie Teen and Aspie Monkey Boy are the same way. It drives me nuts.

Of course this does bring some humor to the household. Like the times when she’s running around frantically, looking for her sunglasses…only to to have me point out that they are on her head. Or my all time favorite one ever…

She calls me at work FRANTIC. She’s running late and can’t find the keys to the van. She has an appointment and she’s already behind schedule. She’s talking a mile a minute, telling me she can’t find the keys. she has to drop the baby off at her mothers what is she going to do? I tell her to calm down and ask her where she is.  She says she’s in the van driving down the avenue. So I ask her, if you’re in the van driving down the avenue, where are the keys? She’s silent for abotu 5 seconds…(probably realizing that the keys are in fact in the ignition or she wouldn’t be driving)…says I hate you! And hangs up the phone. I busted out laughing so hard, my supervisor at the time came out of his office to ask if I was ok.

Now I do understand the need to have a place for everything so you can find it more readily. I do the same thing. There are hooks on the wall for keys. I have specific drawers for black tee shirts, blue shirts, work tee shirts etc. I have a drawer for a certain kind of wires, and a drawer for a certain kind of junk.

And my wife has the kitchen set up the same way. We HATE having house guests (for a number of different reasons) but one fo the specific reasons is that they move things. They’ll do the dishes and we LOVE that. But they put things away in spots they don’t belong in. So now my wife’s whole world is out of joint.

I don’t MEAN to lose her stuff…the same way she doesn’t malicously drop things all over the house and expect to find them there later.  She needs to have them where she can find them and I need her to find them in a place that’s not so visible.

The main thing for both of us to remember:

Neither one of us is doing this to annoy the other. I’m wired one way, she’s wired another. I know when she’s home dealing with Aspie Teen and Aspie Baby chaos reigns supreme. My kids can give a Tylenol a headache and try the patience of Mother Theresa herself.  So not being able to find something she’s left somewhere is extremely frustrating to her and can send her over the edge in a hurry.

The same way she knows that I’m at work all day at a very frustrating job and when I come home and see clutter everywhere it drives me nuts so I have to clean it up and put it away.  Neither one is doing it to get the other…we’re just following the paths of our nature.

One day we’ll find a happy medium.