Archive for April, 2013


I am tired…so very tired.

Yesterday my very lovely, very pregnant wife woke me up at 2:30 a.m. saying she was having some very weird, very intense pain in her side and needed to go to the emergency room.

Understand that we are not people who want to have anything to do with the emergency room. In order for us to go there we have to have a limb hanging off or something.

So I got up, fetched her mom and her boyfriend to come stay with the kids, (God forbid her mom go anywhere without him in tow), then took her to the ER.

We get there and they refuse to send us up to the maternity ward because my wife can’t prove she’s past 20 weeks. Now she is like 4 days away from being 20 weeks, but she can’t prove it, because they won’t do a sonogram unless she can prove she’s past 20 weeks. So they wanted to hook her up to an IV, just to give her Tylenol and a fluid drip.

Well my wife held it together but was livid. The nurse came into the room saying the ER doctor had ordered some things to be done and my wife cut him off saying how the hell can he have ordered anything since he hasn’t seen me yet?

The nurse blinked and left. Twenty minutes later my wife was dressed and signing herself out! It was ridiculous that she was there with stomach pain, pregnant, and they wouldn’t even hook her up to a fetal monitor to make sure the baby was doing ok.

Anyway we got home around 6:00 a.m. and Tantrum Tot popped his eyes wide open, saw her mom and her boyfriend laying down on the sofa and thought it was a party! Now he’s awake and running around and everyone is trying to pass out for a little while again. I got my 8 year old ready for school, and thank God was able to send him to school with my neighbor.  Since I was up anyway I took the in laws home and dropped Tantrum Tot off at day care where we are now sending him 3 days a week to give his mom some breathing room.

I got home around 8:00 a.m and passed out till 11:30. My wife and I went to a doctor’s appointment at 12:00 and then to her OB-GYN at 1:30. Everything was fine. AND we find out we’re having boy #4!!! (that will be a seperate post ). I dropped her off at the house and head out to work and got there around 5:00 p.m. stayed till 9:30 p.m. and drove the hour back home.

At 7:00 a.m. I wake up…get the 8 year old dressed for school…get the neighbor to take him again…(going to have to buy that guy breakfast I swear, just to thank him!) and pass out again in the bed. At 8:00 a.m Tantrum Tot has decided I have spent enough time in bed (I swear I haven’t spent NEARLY enough time in bed), and kicked me…LITERALLY kicked me until I got out of my bed. Now we’re sitting out here watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates. AND we’re out of coffee!!!

I’m tired and this kid is going to day care VERY soon…so I can get some coffee and some rest!

My Super Genius Aspie Wife

It is hard being married to an Aspie sometimes. You’ll note that with that declaration there was no lightning, no thunder, no mighty hand of God coming down to smite me. It is the plain truth. It’s hard being married to someone with a “genius gene” when t I only have the “where’s my remote gene”.

My wife is such a complex person. She is balls out, pedal to the metal, all or nothing, She has a seemingly endless capacity to absorb knowledge and retain it. She makes learning look easy. I know she works hard at learning things and devotes her mental ability to absorbing and learning things she wants to learn.

The end result though, is that she makes it look easy to learn, when in reality she’s spent days hyper-focusing and dare I say it…obsessing about whatever it is that has her spell bound at that given moment.

My wife has recently written her first memoir, “Twirling Naked In The Streets, and No One Noticed.” It is now available on Amazon.  My wife has not only written this novel. (which by the way, is a funny thought provoking yet easy read that you should check out). (Shameless plug, yes I know). She has not only written it, but formatted it into Kindle and e-reader format, and designed several different covers for it all by herself. 

The first cover, the stock photo we published wasn’t the right “size” and when we got the proof copy of the paperback version, the cover didn’t look good at all. She had received a lot of good feed back about that original cover too, so it was upsetting for her. So back to the drawing board she went and she came out with the cover which is currently being shown on the link to the book. I thought it was a good job considering she’s NEVER done this before, (by the way, she doesn’t consider herself to be artistic at all). But I digress. She received several feedback posts saying “What happened to the cover?” 

This put my wife on a tail spin headed into the depression zone. I saw all the signs. She bravely squared her shoulders and decided she wasn’t falling into the pit without a fight. She apparently had purchased that wonderfully idiotic program Photoshop  and we both spent last night we staying awake till 1:30 a.m. trying to learn Photoshop using YouTube and Photoshop for dummies books which I ran and bought up the street at B&N. (For $30 freaking dollars BTW!) (Sorry had to let that out). She had spent all day trying to learn Photoshop and fix her cover. 

Tantrum Tot was in rare form. Not letting her sit at the computer, and being very clingy. I spent all day at work receiving very defeated sounding emails. When we went to bed at 1:30 this morning, we hadn’t gotten very far. We knew what we were supposed to do but the stupid computer wouldn’t do it!!! 

So when we finally dumped ourselves into bed, (I had to get up at 4:30 later that morning to start getting ready for work), we were defeated. My wife especially. I could see the dark cloud hovering over head and the depressive pit opening up in front of her. To make matters worse, she can’t take her Melatonin while pregnant and I knew she wouldn’t get to bed till much later than I and now she was going to be awake and depressed. I really at that point couldn”t form two words together in a coherent sentence and had to settle for the completely inadequate “I’m sorry honey. I promise I will help you more after work tomorrow.” mumbled in her direction and quite soon after passed out.

I woke up this morning to her passed out COLD next to me. Nothing I did that morning made her even flinch. While at work today, doing my best zombie impersonation, my wife emailed me and said Tantrum Tot woke up almost with the dawn and was being very clingy already. I got busy at work and her emails went silent. 

Towards the latter half of my day, she sends me an email with the new cover. WOW was all I could say. It was better than a lot of the other covers we spent hours reviewing looking for ones we liked enough to emulate. Apparently she got up, squared her shoulders, dropped Tantrum Tot off at his grandmothers, came home and tackled that program. She won and the new cover will be uploading very soon. It looks completely professionally done. Once again her “genius gene” wins out. 

I am so very proud of her. This book is her baby. I have watched it take form, watched her wrestle with it, spent hours with her talking it out and editing it before it we sent it to a professional editor. She pushed a cover out last night and is so happy. She beat the depression hanging over her head, powered through and doggedly wrestled her dilemmas to the ground. 

My heart is going to burst with pride. Truly i see a tiny bit of the spark she once had rekindling itself inside of her. Again. I love my Apergirl. She’s a super genius. And a super writer, and now a super book cover maker! 

 

 

My Aspie Kids

As everyone knows, this is Autism Awareness Month. I have read so many powerful and emotionally charged blogs. Some of them, I could never hope to match. I can barely hold my own against my wife! LOL

So today in honor of Autism Awareness Month, I’m simply going to brag on my kids…and comment a little…it’s hard to do this without getting emotional which makes me jump around a bit…plus I’m off my Adderral for a few weeks and my brain feels like mercury but please bear with me…

Aspie Teen. He just turned 14 years old last week. I could not fathom at the time he was born, that I could love someone so much. I had never felt my heart fill like it did when I held him in my arms for the first time. Fast forward a dozen years. He has been put in public school, pulled out, put back in and pulled out again. If you looked at him, you wouldn’t be able to tell that there is anything different about him. But if you watched and listened for a while, you would be able to sense something was different.

The way he’d rather hang out with adults and completely ignore kids his own age. The way he cackles like a hyena at the slightest funny thing, because he’s never been able to learn what an appropriately moderate chuckle is. The way he adamantly refuses to sleep anywhere else but the floor of our bedroom at fourteen.  Or the way he’s been watching the same two videos on YouTube for the past TWO WEEKS cracking up hysterically, tears running down his eyes. (they ARE funny so I’m posting the links here).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NzRMPsnC3s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVrJ8DxECbg

Today he asked me to show him to embed these videos into his Blogger Blog and my heart almost burst because hey he asked me to show him something! I was able to teach him how to do something! He learns, he understands, he presents almost completely “normal”, (I now HATE that word), but chronologically he’s 14 and emotionally he’s still 12…so when he asked I almost lost it because I can do this! I can do this!!!

Aspie Monkey Boy is eight. Today I took him to the mall to get his hair cut…because for real, he looked like an overgrown bush! LOL HE likes his hair long but it’s curly so letting it grow, it’s like letting a Chia pet grow. But he doesn’t look bad with long hair until it reaches the point where it currently was. SO off to the barber we go…

On the way to the mall, I told him we’re going to the mall to get his hair cut not the place we regularly go. He wanted to know why. (with Aspie Monkey Boy, he needs to know the exact order of places we are going, and if we break the order of that list, he can have a meltdown). He wanted to know why we were changing things up, since the other place is fast AND it’s right next to Gamestop where he wanted to go spend his allowance anyway.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that every time we go to that barber shop, they make him look like Phineas from Disney’s Phineas & Ferb. There is a part of his hair at the very top of the back of his skull that if they don’t cut it exactly right, will make his head look like a triangle. (aka Phineas). So I told him that we were trying a new place because he needed a stylist not a barber, and if he was good, I’d take him to Gamestop at the mall.

On the way there we enjoyed ourselves blasting Ross Lynch songs. (He plays Austin Moon in Disney’s Austin & Ally). My son desperately wants to be a Disney kid. We enjoyed ourselves singing songs like It’s Not a Love Song, and Christmas Soul, and You’re My Zing, from Hotel Transylvania.

We got to the mall and the place I wanted to take him didn’t have any openings…so we walked down to Gamestop and let him look for the game he wanted. Afterwards we walked back to the entrance we came in which was through Barnes & Nobles. The whole way there and back, he was trying to climb up my body like a monkey, or trying to karate kick me and get me to play fight with him. All the while being LOUD and drawing every eye to us. Now I do NOT like to be embarassed in public, but today I didn’t feel any of that. It was a rare Dad and Monkey Boy Day. We went to the original hair cutting place, got his hair cut (no Phineas today as I stood behind them being a barbers worst nightmare today, telling them NO don’t stop there, take it in tighter, get rid of this peice here etc.  etc. It was one of the best days we’ve spent together in a long time.

Aspie Baby aka Tantrum Tot …he’s always such a joy and a terror. He can be SO damn adorable followed almost immediately by being a rotten clingy make me want to commit myself PIMPLE (stuck on me).

Today, I get home from the mall with Monkey Boy and he’s sleeping. So mom and I head to the bedroom to relax, both of us in bed, reading our Kindle White Paper and Kindle Fire and reading the same book , The Eye of the World, by Robert Jordan that FINALLY after weeks of trying to convince her, she’s started reading.

Tantrum wakes up shortly thereafter and wants to go in the bath. I start running water and stripping him down when I realize his pamper is full. So I take him out the bathroom and grab a pamper and wipes, hold it up to him and say Pampee!! HE looks at me…smiles and says NOOOOOOooooo and takes off running!! I chase him and he looks back, jumps on the couch, lays down and says I stinky!!! I wanted to squeeze him so hard! He was so cute!!!

What in the world does ANY of this have to do with Autism Awareness Month? Simply this…these kids…they are on the Autism Spectrum. But you know what? They are MY kids. They are GOOD kids. And if they don’t fit the world’s view of “normal: SO WHAT???

They may exasperate me to the end of my patience….they may sometimes cause me to be embarrassed the way they act and the way they behave…they may NEVER fit in with other kids because socially they don’t have a clue…but in the end, their pure hearts, their innocence and the way they pour every ounce of love and squeeze every ounce of life out of each moment makes them BETTER than most of us. If we saw the world, like they do, this world would most likely be  far better place.

So be aware, Autistic doesn’t mean stupid…it doesn’t mean retarded…it means different, unique, and gifted. It means not that they are limited, but maybe WE are. Because we don’t experience life the way they do. Be aware. Autism means normal, but uniquely so. When was the last time YOU had that light in your eye? That clarity that children have? I see it every time I look into the eyes of my kids. We should all be so lucky.

Everyone check it out! My wife has finished her first book on Amazon! Please go check it out. I am so PROUD of her I can burst! She is such an awesome, talented, woman/wife/mother…I won’t start my never ending rant on her good qualities but please when you get a moment stop by and congratulate her! (And buy the book too!) LOL

Aspie Writer: Twirling Naked in the Streets--and No-one Noticed--Growing up with undiagnosed Autism

First I want to thank everyone who has been following along as I write.  Without all of you reading, I would have easily been distracted and lost my motivation to finish long ago.

I woke up to a sweet email this morning from Amazon letting me know that my Kindle Book (the one I’ve been writing and you have been reading) is now published and available for sale!  Yay! Exciting News, which is why I am up at my keyboard with a PB&J sandwich before the sun and now cannot go back to sleep!

Clicking on the picture should bring you right to the Amazon page.

New Kindle CoverThe paperback version should be available soon (hopefully within a week or so) and I will let you know when that happens.  I suppose now I have no more excuses for not getting started on my next project(s).

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I LOVE my wife. I do. She is the one of the most intelligent person I know. That really attracts me to her! She has a big heart which unfortunately leaves her open to being taken advantage of sometimes. She is drop dead gorgeous and sexy as hell. Even now while she’s in her “obviously pregnant” stages. LOL

That being said; one thing that drives me insane when she does it, is when she butts in and tries to control every little tiny thing I do. How? You may ask…

Examples:

Driving: She knows she’s in the passenger seat. She knows the perspectives and angles are different from the passenger seat, but she can’t stop herself from saying things like cut the wheel!, you’re too close! or  my favorite ,You’re gonna hit it! or worse..why are you going this way? Why don’t you go this way? You’re taking the long way!

Cooking: Did you cut the onion this way? Did you sautee it for this long? Why did you do it that way for?

This week we were grocery shopping and the store we were at, Aldi’s….doesn’t use plastic bags. So while you’re shopping you have to gather empty boxes from the shelves as people empty them and keep them under your cart till you get to the register to pack your groceries in.

We were done, and I was starting to pack up the groceries in the boxes. Now let me just say that when it comes to things like packing boxes, packing moving trucks or car trunks and stuff like that…I rule! I see all these as three dimensional Tetris games.  And I can play Tetris for hours!

Now I was packing the boxes…and my wife was perched on the ledge with Tantrum Tot in front of her feeding him some Pringles and I saw that look in her eye. I knew she was going to say something….so I intercepted. I looked at her and said LET ME DO THIS!

To which she giggled and didn’t say what she was going to say because I KNEW she was going to say why did you put that in that box or something similar and she knew she was going to…she also knows that packing is my thing and I don’t need any help in that area.   (I said it in a joking manner and she knew I was using that tone to convey in a funny way to let me handle this), so please don’t think I yelled at her in public which is something I never (ok rarely) do. She giggled and said you know I was going to say something! To which I replied you can’t control yourself can you? And we both had a nice laugh over it.

It was a funny moment and it passed as quick as it came.  But there are times when her knowing everything is really a huge problem for me, and I have to use my coping/breathing exercises when talking to her.

Remember, she is extremely intellegent. Her Aspie-ness gave her the Genius Gene as we like to call it. Being able to remember everything you’ve ever learned, (while I can only remember every comic or novel I’ve ever read), means it’s hard to argue with  her using a lame point like I’ve always done it this way, or always felt this way even if that’s why I do things the way I do them and feel completely justified doing so.

Also, she is the queen of routines. Routines are comfortable for her. They help her. I’m the same way. Having ADD like I do, I’ve created several routines to help me cope with things and accomplish things that need doing. Just like her. The problem comes when I want to follow my routine and she wants to follow her routine.  Her thought processes take her down one road and my thought processes take me down the next avenue.

The moral of the story?

Aspies…remember that your NT partner doesn’t always understand your thought processes and that its’ ok if they think/feel/do things differently than you or for different reasons. It will be ok, really.

NT’s…remember that they don’t do this maliciously when they do it. Remember their need for routines. Remember the comfort they get from their routines. Remember they may not be aware that they are coming across as control freaks and they may not even be trying to control you, just wondering why on earth would you do that this way when why my way makes so much sense?

And above all both of you remember…DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. In the end is the world changed because a grilled cheese sandwhich was made differently today? (Yes my wife and I HAVE had this conversation on how to best make a grilled cheese sandwhich LOL).

Remember if it’s not something major…it doesn’t have to become a major issue. Take a deep breath…hug each other and get on with your lives.

 

image

Ok, I’ll be the first to say that we NT’s don’t always think the way that Aspies think. And some of the stuff we do arguably doesn’t make any sense to some Aspies. But when my wife and I saw this, we both stopped, cocked our heads to the side and said “huh???”

The sign clearly says “No Wading”, but there are statues in the water of kids and parents doing what…WADING IN THE FREAKING WATER!!!

Now we were walking by with Aspie Teen, Aspie Monkey Boy and the infamous Tantrum Tot…and what’s the first thing all three wanted to do? You guessed it, wade in the water!

Now I’m an NT and I have to say this made no freaking sense to me. Why show kids an image of an action they can’t do, if they CAN’T do it?? What were they thinking?

Some things just boggle the mind, whether or not the mind is an Aspie one or an NT one…idiocy knows no bounds.

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