I LOVE my wife. I do. She is the one of the most intelligent person I know. That really attracts me to her! She has a big heart which unfortunately leaves her open to being taken advantage of sometimes. She is drop dead gorgeous and sexy as hell. Even now while she’s in her “obviously pregnant” stages. LOL

That being said; one thing that drives me insane when she does it, is when she butts in and tries to control every little tiny thing I do. How? You may ask…

Examples:

Driving: She knows she’s in the passenger seat. She knows the perspectives and angles are different from the passenger seat, but she can’t stop herself from saying things like cut the wheel!, you’re too close! or  my favorite ,You’re gonna hit it! or worse..why are you going this way? Why don’t you go this way? You’re taking the long way!

Cooking: Did you cut the onion this way? Did you sautee it for this long? Why did you do it that way for?

This week we were grocery shopping and the store we were at, Aldi’s….doesn’t use plastic bags. So while you’re shopping you have to gather empty boxes from the shelves as people empty them and keep them under your cart till you get to the register to pack your groceries in.

We were done, and I was starting to pack up the groceries in the boxes. Now let me just say that when it comes to things like packing boxes, packing moving trucks or car trunks and stuff like that…I rule! I see all these as three dimensional Tetris games.  And I can play Tetris for hours!

Now I was packing the boxes…and my wife was perched on the ledge with Tantrum Tot in front of her feeding him some Pringles and I saw that look in her eye. I knew she was going to say something….so I intercepted. I looked at her and said LET ME DO THIS!

To which she giggled and didn’t say what she was going to say because I KNEW she was going to say why did you put that in that box or something similar and she knew she was going to…she also knows that packing is my thing and I don’t need any help in that area.   (I said it in a joking manner and she knew I was using that tone to convey in a funny way to let me handle this), so please don’t think I yelled at her in public which is something I never (ok rarely) do. She giggled and said you know I was going to say something! To which I replied you can’t control yourself can you? And we both had a nice laugh over it.

It was a funny moment and it passed as quick as it came.  But there are times when her knowing everything is really a huge problem for me, and I have to use my coping/breathing exercises when talking to her.

Remember, she is extremely intellegent. Her Aspie-ness gave her the Genius Gene as we like to call it. Being able to remember everything you’ve ever learned, (while I can only remember every comic or novel I’ve ever read), means it’s hard to argue with  her using a lame point like I’ve always done it this way, or always felt this way even if that’s why I do things the way I do them and feel completely justified doing so.

Also, she is the queen of routines. Routines are comfortable for her. They help her. I’m the same way. Having ADD like I do, I’ve created several routines to help me cope with things and accomplish things that need doing. Just like her. The problem comes when I want to follow my routine and she wants to follow her routine.  Her thought processes take her down one road and my thought processes take me down the next avenue.

The moral of the story?

Aspies…remember that your NT partner doesn’t always understand your thought processes and that its’ ok if they think/feel/do things differently than you or for different reasons. It will be ok, really.

NT’s…remember that they don’t do this maliciously when they do it. Remember their need for routines. Remember the comfort they get from their routines. Remember they may not be aware that they are coming across as control freaks and they may not even be trying to control you, just wondering why on earth would you do that this way when why my way makes so much sense?

And above all both of you remember…DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. In the end is the world changed because a grilled cheese sandwhich was made differently today? (Yes my wife and I HAVE had this conversation on how to best make a grilled cheese sandwhich LOL).

Remember if it’s not something major…it doesn’t have to become a major issue. Take a deep breath…hug each other and get on with your lives.

 

Advertisements