I don’t know how to begin this post. So much is going on and has happened this week is hard to focus on any one thing.

I’ve been getting very little sleep lately. (Neither has my wife, but for entirely different reasons). My wife had been plagued by nightmares and night terrors. I’ve been laying down, and passing out, but halfway through the night, my mind comes out of the deep sleep and I’m essentially awake and semi aware of what is going on around me though my eyes are closed. I wake up and I’m exhausted. My poor wife is in a constant state of exhaustion as well, dealing with Tantrum Tot,Aspie Teen, Aspie Monkey Boy and Aspie Fetus as well.

Last night Tantrum Tot went to bed at 8:00.  Wife and I were trying to enjoy or new favorite show Bing Bang Theory. Sheldon was being his usual Sheldon self and a scene was so funny to us because we saw ourselves so clearly in the interaction.

My wife and I were joking around about it and suddenly the atmosphere changed and I got very defensive.

There are things that are probably not big things in the big picture. But after years of going through it have made me and my wife sensitive to certain areas and behaviors. And most times in dealing with them we’re both able to get through them and the accompanying irritations that go along with them.

Last night in the middle of playing around, I got very defensive and in my defensiveness made a sarcastic comment which was completely uncalled for and came out more hurtful than I ever originally intended. 

I realized it and immediately apologized and tried to explain my defensiveness. She listened, and after the initial anger and hurt subsided, she accepted my apology. The shame I felt for what I did still has not passed though. I believe it played a major part in my not being able to sleep last night.

Later that night she turned in early with Monkey Boy and managed to go to sleep while Aspie Teen and I watched Arrow on Tivo. During the night, she woke up repeatedly, (Aspie Teen played a significant role in this unfortunately) finally she had to stay up for an hour and I made her a snack which she ate before going back to sleep at around 3:30.

BTW Aspie Teen for some reason did not go to sleep at all last night and is now home with Tantrum Tot while his mom tries to get some more rest and I’m at the Dr.’s office. And I haven’t been to sleep yet either. Thank God for Adderrall and Bustelo coffee!

Aspie Teen is being very helpful with his brother. But Tantrum Tot woke up at 5:30 a.m. and though he’s behaved so far it is not helping with the collective holy hell we all need a nap which is currently permeating our home.

I don’t think there’s a point to this post. Other to point out that obviously life at or home is not always sunshine and roses. These are typical issues which occur in every home whether an Aspie household or not though.

Maybe somebody will read this and glimpse their life in these words. If so, I hope it encourages you to see you’re not the only ones going through it.

Such is life…yours mine and whoever elses. You are not alone, hang in there.

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