Archive for August, 2013


I just wanted to go on record with something. My wife is a truly amazing woman!!!

Many of you have come to my blog because you follow her blog so you have an inkling as to how bright and brilliant she is.

But you know what?? I went to take a minute to brag about her because you just don’t know.

She is one of the bravest women I’ve ever met. And one of the smartest. At any given time we have some major things going on in our lives. Things we don’t talk about here on our blogs. And misty off the time its her tenacity that inspires ME to action.

She will not back down..especially when defending our kids. In many ways she ids the watchdog of our family.  Our kids love her to death. (And some days I think it might just be her death). Despite all the SPD issues she battles with, she continues to allow them to be kids, more than even I do. A lot of Times,I ‘m trying to reign then in because I know how much the noise sets her on edge, but she’ll yell at me too leave them alone.

For the past week or so, she’s been in so much pain. I’m talking tears in her eyes, pain worse than labor pain, can’t walk further than the drivers seat of the minivan in front of the house and back. She alternates all day between the sofa and the bed and still is in pain 24/7.

And through it all, she still is taking Tantrum Tot to daycare (with Aspie. Teens help), helping Aspie Teen navigate the new online school he’s in, doing school work and trying too write articles for answers.com to help bring money in to the house.

Last night she let me pass out since I had been awake since 3:20 a.m.. even though she was in pain.

Today, she’s been feeling sho depressed and scared, and she still sends me a text apologizing for feeling down!!

Listen ladies when your pelvis sound like rice crispies and your body is gearing up to push a Volkswagen out an opening the size of a silver dollar you can be freaking anxious all you want!!!!

I love her so much and I’m so proud of all she’s accomplished since her diagnosis…

I am so lucky too have her!

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Here We Go Again

Today it begins!!!

We are in the waiting room waiting for Aspie Teen to be taken back and start his official diagnosis!!!

Poor Teen has been stressing all day over this. It will be a 2 hour appointment for him without Mom and Dad being there. I changed my shift today to an earlier one, (woke up at 4 a.m. after the most unrestful nights sleep ever thanks to poor Tantrum Tot having nightmares all night), came home finished up the paperwork and threw Teen and Monkey Boy in the van.

(BTW this was only after I had to run to Monkey Boys school AGAIN because while he remembered to write his homework down completely, he did forget his HW folder in his desk and the meltdown was on It’s way because if he misses a HW assignment the school takes away recess for the day the bastards).

Anyway, the doctor just came and asked Aspie Teen if he was ready and if he wanted to step back to her office to which he replied “Do I have a choice?”  This set his mom off into the giggles because she’s sitting here having a nervous breakdown because she can’t go in with him.

Let’s just pray things go well…we even set up an appointment for Monkey Boy while we’re here so hopefully they can revive their official diagnoses and we can get the balls rolling on their IEP’ s!!!

Sometimes just sometimes, I wish dark things on others…nothing too drastic, I don’t want them to get hit by a train or anything…but it would be nice if they would fall asleep under a camel with post nasal drip, or fall face first into an ant hill AFTER they at a chocolate ice cream cone…(yes I know I need help). 

My 9 year old (Monkey Boy) started school last week and if you’ve been following along, he’s very excited. He’s planned out his reading for the whole year. He’s in the 4th grade and he’s planning to read the entire Percy Jackson series. Each book gives him 13-15 A.R. points. (Some point system for each book they read in the reading renaissance program).  The goal is for him to get 100 points by the end of the year. Last year he got 175 points. 

Well we spoke to the school last year, and it’s much easier for him to read the books on the Kindle Fire than the regular books. The school allows the kids to bring in their e-readers as long as the parents sign a release saying the school is not responsible. Woo-Hoo! Aspie Teen hardly ever uses his anymore so we cleaned it up some, ordered a new carry case for it and sent it in with him. He’s a happy camper.

Here’s the rub. The Kindle Fire only tells you where you are in the book by percentages, (17% through etc. etc.). The school is mandating him to read 20 pages per night. Can’t really keep track of that on the Fire. We explained that to the teachers, but they’re sorry, they have to abide by the 20 page rule. We tried to explain that if he’s in the 4th grade and the typical book the other 4th graders are reading, are Nate’s Big Day, which in comparison is such a babyish book, 20 pages in Percy is WAY more complicated and advanced than 20 pages in Nate. But they adamantly stuck by the 20 page limit, no matter what the book. 

So Monkey Boy took the hard cover book out of the school library to lug around in his book bag. Which is very frustrating for us because we went ahead and bought all the Percy books on the kindle. Now he left his hard cover book in his desk at school and he’s having PANIC attacks and a meltdown because he doesn’t have any way to count the pages he’s read! All this drama and CHAOS because the NT’s of this world can’t get it through their heads how BIG a SMALL little thing like that can become to an Aspie child! And more importantly, they don’t seem to realize how this tiny thing has the potential to absolutely KILL/DESTROY his desire to read/learn! Is it worth killing that desire for 20 guaranteed pages??? NOW who’s not seeing the bigger picture because they’re caught in the details? 

We saw the same thing happen to Aspie Teen. When he went back to school briefly, he got excited…he got up every morning, took a shower, started combing his hair and caring about picking out outfits…and looking good…(a battle for him). Except that school had a policy about wearing an ID badge at all times. Well he would forget his, and run back to the house to get it from the bus stop and then miss the school bus. So now my wife had to drive him to school and he’d be late. But if he went to school late too many times and/or without his ID they’d give him an in school suspension, where he wasn’t even allowed to do school work, but sit in  a class all day and do nothing.

We went up to school. He had a diagnosis of ADD and this was before we knew or suspected anything about Asperger’s. We didn’t have an IEP in place. We worked something out that we would buy extra ID’s and keep some in  his locker and even one at the front desk in the office. But he kept forgetting them, and then the ID’s from the locker were used and they got left home and you see where this is going right???

Well eventually he got so tired of sitting in the class doing nothing that we were back to he was miserable getting up trying to make him force himself to go through another day. He started not talking again, and his class participation fell drastically. He stopped doing homework and projects. All because of an ID card. We went up to the school, discussed his inability and difficulties with everyone from his guidance counselor to the principal. But by the time we were done, he was back to being home schooled again.

Now remember, when Monkey Boy has a meltdown, Aspie MOM starts hyperventilating. She works herself into a Tizzy because WHY CAN’T THEY UNDERSTAND?? And since there is no immediate answer or solution to the problem, it’s VERY hard to cause that break in the pattern of thinking to prevent her from having a meltdown!

Oi vey! Someone get me a chainsaw….for the “trees”, not for the people… I swear…

So we’re back from the hospital. As usual, it was a waste of freaking time and energy.

I don’t understand it. With all the achievements and breakthroughs and all the money spent on schooling for healthcare professionals, WHY is it that each trip to the emergency room or hospital is such a collossal freaking aggravating waste of time?

Now I want to go on record right here that I am NOT clumping ALL healthcare professionals in the waste of freaking space category. I am NOT saying that ALL nurses, doctors, Physician’s Assistants etc. are the same. That would be insulting in the extreme and as ridiculous as saying all people with ASD are the same which by now we know, (or you should know) is a ludicrous concept. 

But each and every time I’ve gone to the E.R or doctor I’m met with the same asinine stupidity each and every time! 

This time, the nurse asked if she should call the doctor and  ask him if there would be any pain medication they could issue to my wife for the weekend. I said yes. Let’s ask and see what the options are. 

Well she came in with a dose of Stadol (spelling) for pain and Fennigan (again spelling?) ..for nasau. My wife refused both. She WILL NOT take a medication that will put her to sleep. She gets panic attacks when she feels herself going under. 

Well the nurse looked her in the face and quite rudely said “Well if you weren’t going to take the medicine I wouldn’t have called the doctor!” I was very proud of my wife for not hitting her in the nose with her Kindle White!

Here’s the thing. We went into the hospital straight to the labor and delivery center because if we had gone to the E.R. they would immediately send us up to the Labor and Delivery center. We KNOW this because when my wife was pregnant with Tantrum Tot she had an episode where her tongue swelled up in her mouth for no apparent reason and she could barely breath through her mouth. 

So we rushed her to the E.R. who promptly sent her up the the L&D center. Once there, the nurses looked at her and said well we’ll put you in the monitor to make sure the baby’s not in duress (which they did), and NOTHING ELSE. At the end of the monitoring period they sent her home with a tongue still swollen…

This time, a nurse said “Well why did you come in today then?” Oh I don’ know maybe BECAUSE I CAN’T WALK 3 STEPS WITHOUT FALLING DOWN!!! MAYBE YOU CAN ADDRESS THAT??? But no…once again once the monitoring period was done it was bye bye.  Well the baby’s doing  fine so off you go….well GREAT the baby’s doing fine…but the baby could be doing fine right until the point where my wife keels over and dies. So when does someone address the issues with my wife? OH I forgot…you can’t….or won’t…or don’t care enough to. 

Again I would like to reiterate that I am NOT saying all health care professionals are idiots. I’ve met some really sweet ones who have helped take care of my mother and brother while they were in the hospital. But it’s the condescending idiots who act like you are annoying them because you are expecting them to do their jobs that really get me steamed. Unfortunately I seem to find these people more than the other kind. 

That’s my rant for the night. 

 

Of course us being us, nothing in our lives is allowed to go smoothly or without causing as much chaos as freaking possible.

Two weeks before her due date, my wife is now experiencing Synthesis Pelvic Dysfunction symptoms. For those who don’t know, that is when pregnant women experience moderate to debilitating pain in the pelvic, lower back and legs regions.  Often time women can hear their bones snapping and cracking when they try to rotate, or change positions etc. One women I read about yesterday was an athlete and ended up in a wheelchair afterwards because of it.

And because they are pregnant, there is very little that can be done to alleviate their pain. Now my wife has had all three of our boys using natural child birth. No pain meds,  no Epidural…nothing. And she’s in so much pain right now that she’s saying it’s worse than labor pains and has tears in her eyes.

We’re in the birthing center at the hospital right now. She walked from the front door of the main area to the front desk and was going to pass out. The front desk brought a wheel chair around first thing, and I wheeled her right up to the labor and delivery floor. When we got here the nurses all came into the room and were fussing over her…that is UNTIL she said she wasn’t in labor, but the WAS in pain.

That of course slowed them right down. And immediately brought on the condescension. “Oh honey that’s just your pelvis trying to move aside for the baby..” Really? Four kids later and you don’t think I know the difference??? She told them about the pain… again reiterating that the pain was worse than labor pains…and again….”Oh honey, bone pain is gonna hurt” …WHY do people go into human service industries if they can’t treat people with respect or even like people???

I’m supposed to go to work tomorrow, and it looks like I’m not going to be able to as Tantrum Tot has no day care to go to. Actually I might have to start my paternal leave right now, AND ask for some advance leave on top of that.

Now ordinarily this is where you would call Grandma right?? I wish!!

Involving her mother in our daily lives is inviting more chaos and confusion then it is ever worth, and by the end of the day your wondering what part of your brain malfunctioned in order to get you to have asked her in the first place.  I wish I was exaggerating.

And scratch asking my mother or my oldest  sister for help, all of whom live in the same town as me. Same rule applies.

One day something in our lives is going to occur without causing so much difficulty that we need therapy to recuperate from it.  Eventually, the rules of the universe say that something has to balance out right? I just hope that my wife and I aren’t both confined to an asylum by the time it rolls around.

Today Monkey Boy got home from his 3rd day of school. We asked if he had any homework, to which he replied yes and we promptly took out his school agenda where he has to write down his daily homework assignments.

Now let me just say, we knew this was going to be an issue this year, because last year he had a pre-printed sheet with his daily homework assignments on them. This year he has to write down his daily assignments himself. So he said that he wrote down each assignment for each subject where the teacher said they should go.

Warning sirens went off in my wife’s and I heads! We opened up his agenda, and sure enough the words reading, math and social studies were all written down in the apparent proper slots….there was just nothing else there!!!

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Now my wife and I had read a few days earlier the things they sent home as penalties for not doing homework, etc. and I knew that if he did not do his homework he would be penalized and then we’d be having a whole different conversation with both him and his teachers.

So I grabbed his agenda in one hand, and my wife in the other and said we have to go see if their still there. We went to his school and met with his teacher. We explained the difficulty he had last year, told them to please go talk to the teacher he had last year. We gave them the low down on his literal mindedness, and how he has difficulties switching gears or tasks and the dangers of interruptions…we described his melt downs and described possible triggers and responses to the meltdowns and tried to reinforce the fact that they were not tantrums.

The teachers were very attentive and listened to us (seemingly). Time will tell how effective these conversations were. But hope springs eternal. I hope all you other parents of ASD kids have good luck this year.

Today, my wife and I held a telephone interview with Dr. Robert Rose of Re-Wiring Your Brain on blogtalkradio.com on the topic of being the parents of ASD children,  and our opinions on educational issues they face.

This was my wife’s second interview with the good doctor and my first and I have to say how impressed with him I was.

I hope you all enjoy and please send me feedback of what you thought of the interview.

Please take a listen and tell your friends!

 

This JUST now happened!!!

We let Aspie Teen sleep in since I was home today. My wife usually gets him up the same time she get’s up to bring Monkey Boy and Tantrum Tot to school/daycare, which by that time I’m already at work. I wake him up and tell him to come down and take his Adderall first thing, since we don’t like him taking it too late In the day.

He comes downstairs, walks into the dining room/office where she is typing away and says “Why is Dad home?” She flips out, complaining about his coming in the room and yelling first thing in the morning. He didn’t yell really , what really happened is that he interrupted her and she can’t take interruptions so she lashes out angrily when interrupted. However, even though this has happened to him a million and one times already, he still can’t process that she doesn’t like being disturbed/interrupted and she can’t control her reactions when she is interrupted.

THEN he asks if he can drink his Monster Energy Drink with his Adderall. Wife flips out, “I told you before…NO…you can’t take those two together, it’s not good for you, your heart gets palpatations NO…he goes in the kitchen in his sullen way and takes his medicine. She goes into our room to start getting ready for her doctor’s appointment and he goes and sits on the sofa and puts his finger in his mouth looking all the world like a dopey kid who’s just been given a sedative. (He DID just wake up after all). I told him take your finger out of your mouth before I take a picture and post it online! He responds by saying I’m biting on my finger to wake me up. (HOW that makes ANY sense is beyond me.)

Wife comes flying out of the bedroom (our master bedroom is on the ground floor), “Don’t give me that…I’m not going to let you sleep in when Daddy’s home anymore! You never act like this when I wake you up first thing in the morning when he’s at work”…to which he replies “I wish you would, it’s easier for me to get up earlier than when I sleep in. ”

Now my wife heard a “tone” in that….which apparently to her was disrespectful. In her head, she’s doing a nice thing letting him sleep in. And when she points it out to him, he answers with indifference to her niceness making him seem ungrateful. (which happens with him quite a bit). However, HE can’t control his tones any more than SHE can accurately interpret tonal values and inflections due to their Aspie-ness.

So she says to me, “Tell him why I’m upset…to which I reply “I don’t know why you’re upset…why are you?” I then have to play mediator and point out the following: (now I’m admitting here that I was very sarcastic and WAY over exaggerated the delivery of the following), “YOU are upset because you think he’s being ungrateful to you being nice. HE can’t help the fact that he doesn’t understand what is you mean, any more than HE can tell that his tone makes him come across ungrateful anymore than YOU can accurately detect his tone because HE’s an Aspie and YOU’RE an Aspie and neither of you can help what you’re doing! Now neither one of you talk to me for a half an hour!!

By the end of the tirade, we were all laughing which helped diffuse the frustrations which were rapidly mounting! All this Aspie-ness is going to be the end of me one day I swear!

Sorry for the long absence but as you know things here are pretty nuts lately. Work is burying me as I am a good supervisor and actually let people use their accrued leave to go on vacations in the summer months, and one of my top employees got a temporary promotion to another department for 120 days leaving me to carry his caseload and all the other million and one things a supervisor is supposed to do.  So when I get home I’m BEAT and quite honestly can’t even think of looking at a computer. (Well ok I do think about it, but since my Jedi powers are drained I can’t seem to levitate the pc or the laptop to me on the sofa).

Monkey Boy has started the 4th grade, and while he’s come home happy, the mornings are a different story. The first day, he got up, got dressed and went downstairs fantastically, no complaints or drama and went to school with the neighbors happy as can be. The next day his mother told me he gave her attitude in the morning, about not going.

I took off from work today and since I was home, I got up and got Monkey Boy up and started getting him dressed. Man what a whiner this morning! I don’t want to go…my arms are itching, look I got new bites on them…(my house is right next to a “stream” which feeds into a drain, and with all the rain lately, the mosquitoes are out in force and apparently they find monkey boy quite tasty). I endured it all, told him to clam up and man up (not in quite those words) and keep getting ready.

Now while in the cave of Aspie-ness which is their room, I admit I got sidetracked picking up the $65 dollar PS3 games which were strewn about the floor out of their cases and was trying to find the cases to put them back in and told him to get a pair of socks out of his top drawer. Well he responded in a rude almost guaranteed to get his a$$ kicked tone, “You’re standing right in front of my drawer you get them!” (the distance between him and the drawer was about 2 feet by the way). Well I have to be honest…this early in the morning, I am not ready to deal with this level of attitude coming from a 9 year old who honestly thinks my sole purpose on this earth is to be his butler.

My first reaction was throw him across the room to the drawer and make him get his socks…(which admittedly would probably not be the best parenting decision ever made, decisions made at 6:40 a.m. without the benefit of coffee pumping through my veins seldom tend to be)….so instead I sucked in my breath and used my danger voice to tell him to get up and find some socks before I lost my temper and he went to school crying because he was spanked right before school. Thankfully he got the message imbedded in my tone and got his socks.

Did I mention that Tantrum Tot was awake? He got up at 6:30 in the morning with the alarm and while he was happy, he was not being very helpful in the getting ready to leave department. I get downstairs and Monkey Boy is now arguing with his mother about his bites and how he doesn’t want to go to school. Now his mother is not a very compassionate person when it comes to bulls**it.  She actually has a very low threshold for it…..so she briskly told him that if this drama continues in the morning, his curfew was going to be made an hour earlier because apparently he was too tired in the morning, so he must need more rest the night before. That brought on a whole new level of whining….

I made him a snack of strawberries, brown sugar and milk and informed him to eat quickly we were running out of time. Now he’s slow walking eating, Tantrum Tot is asking for a snack but doesn’t want anything we have…and he refuses to put his socks and shoes on (sound familiar?). We got Tot to put his sandals on, threw his socks and shoes in his back pack (the day care requires closed toe shoes) and now I’m herding both kids to van to drop them off.

We get in the van, and I drop Monkey Boy off…and Tantrum Tot LOSES it! Starts whining his brother’s name and kept it up all the way from his brother’s school to his day care! I STILL have no coffee in me and I’m heading back to Harris Teeter to get some rolls to go with my caffeine. Of course they didn’t have any rolls ready yet.

Now I’m home, and after having a useless morning of trying to contact Aspie Teen’s online school for an update on his enrollment classes while my wife CONTINUES to ask questions while I’m on the phone with them…a habit she has that drives me FREAKING NUTS.. .(she  wants to know all these answers to all these questions but she REFUSES to CALL THEM HERSELF!!!) (She’s going to hit me with something when she reads this LOL).  But unfortunately we still have to wait a few days for them to update his immunization record which is SO BLOODY STUPID since he’s being HOME SCHOOLED and is NOT AROUND other children…so he’s going to be starting a few days late…which is driving her nuts…

She’s typing away on her pc writing an Answers.com article and I’m plugging away at this post. Sorry it’s been so long….I miss all you people and  your comments. Today since I’m home I’m going to try to get some work done in the baby’s room!

My wife is the proud carrier of our new baby, who is due in just a few weeks! We have nicknamed her belly “Frankenbelly” because the baby makes her belly SQUARE when he stretches out.

She has endured the aches and pains…the constant appointments…the summer heat….has anyone ever seen Father of the Bride II where he’s wearing a winter coat and gloves and hat in the house because the pregnant women have the house freezing? That’s my house now. This is her first summer pregnancy. We went to the doctor’s last week and we found out the baby has turned and is now breech!!!

We are slightly panicked and am trying to research ways to turn the baby naturally as she has had all 3 boys via natural childbirth with no meds or epidurals and wanted to have this one the same way.

On top of that, SCHOOL STARTS NEXT MONDAY!!! OH FREAKING JOY!!! I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s GREAT that Tantrum Tot is in full time Day Care and Monkey Boy will be starting 4th grade again leaving my wife alone in the house with just her and Aspie Teen (we thought he was going to go back to school too at one point. (If you missed THAT blog you can read about it here). But instead he’s enrolled in online school again.  Still it will help having the house semi empty with the new baby arriving and wife’s new gig with Answers.com and still enrolled in school.

But quite honestly we are SO NOT READY!!! I STILL haven’t finished putting Tantrum Tot’s room together  from when we moved here! AND the a/c isn’t blowing upstairs and it’s too hot to stay up there during the day! We have to re-assemble the baby’s crib, since Tantrum Tot won’t even sleep in his crib anymore. We even bought Tantrum Tot a Thomas the Train bed off craigslist to entice him to start sleeping in his room again.

Aspie Teen being the big baby he is, (when he was young he LOVED Thomas the Train.  (I personally think it’s a GOD AWFUL BORING show but if it’s keeping the kids quiet)…anyway he (Aspie Teen) just couldn’t wait to see the bed put together so he assembled it IN OUR LIVING ROOM!!! And since the room upstairs isn’t ready, we’ve just left it there!!!

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What we see when we sit down!

WE ARE NOT READY!!!! We bought a bassinet to keep the baby in our room with us for a few weeks…but OH MY GOD I NEED MORE TIME!!! OK deep breaths…panic setting in just typing it…and yet still I sit here typing instead of dragging my a$$ upstairs and getting that room ready!

Let us pray….

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