This trip shed some light on Tantrum Tot’s behavior. (With the simultaneous benefit of ripping my heart to shreds in the process).

We were driving on our way somewhere and Tot got all excited about something…and proceeded to say Mommy Daddy and what sounded like his words for play which is play play…(which he says every time he sees a playground) only this time one of the consonants was different.

(What Tot will do is say the words, and make you repeat the words to make sure you understand what it is he’s saying. Lord help you if you don’t repeat those words exactly).

We asked if he meant play play and he started screaming Nooooo…calling each family members name in the car followed by his new sounding words.

Nobody could understand him. He couldn’t show us what he meant nor could anyone guess. His frustration level went through the roof, my wife (who’s nerves were shot to begin with) broke down in tears. Tot broke down in tears, my frustration level went through the roof…not a good thing when your in NYC traffic.

My heart broke. How long can we keep going like this? His rage and frustration is rapidly reaching dangerous levels. My wife cannot maintain these levels of emotional trauma before something breaks in her. My patience and tolerance are definitely at their max levels of endurance.

Lord we need a break soon. Tots acceptance into the autism support services is a God send. I just hope we see some improvement soon. Because I know for sure that Tot can’t take much more either. We’re not the only ones this is tough on. Tot doesn’t like being miserable. His brothers don’t like him or us being miserable either. Autism does not just effect the person who has it. It effects everyone in the family.

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