I know I’ve been silent and I apologize. Truth to tell I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog again. I lost a lot of umph after my brother died. I haven’t gotten it back yet either. And we’ve been very busy trying to remodel bathrooms, go through years of collective hoarding and clean things out, and trying to survive the madness which is living with 3 ASD kids, an ASD adult an NT adult, and an as yet undetermined infant.
A lot has happened, some I wanted to blog on, but a. I just couldn’t find the time or a free computer, and b. I just didn’t have the emotional or mental energy to spare to do it. The only reason I’m writing this now, is that I am being held captive by Tantrum Tot while he plays Wii U in the room he and Monkey Boy share. We’ll see how long it lasts.
As for the subject of this post, well this is part of the ongoing, never ending madness which is our daily lives. In case you’re new here (thanks for following BTW), my 9 year old who is referred to as Monkey Boy, is very, very social. He WANTS friends. The only issue is that he wants them ALL the time. His friends come over everyday. Apparently the row of townhouses where we moved is the only row with kids and they all happen to be in his age range. He gets PLENTY of play time with them. But the second they leave or they can’t come over, he goes into a dark funk where he gets depressed, moody, irritable, answers back flippantly and any little thing irritates him.
Tantrum Tot, the reigning tyrant in our house, LOVES Monkey Boy’s friends. Whenever they come over, he runs up the stairs after them. Though this may sound nifty, you may be thinking, look they can help play with him or he’s going to grow up with a good friend/support base with these kids around him….well think again. Tantrum Tot, whenever he goes upstairs, DOMINATES them, their activities, even where they sit. They can’t play his Wii U, no one can touch his PS4, they have to play the game HE wants to play, only no one else can actually play, they just have to sit there and watch him. Any deviation from this causes INSTANT scream of death followed VERY quickly by tantrum followed almost immediately by meltdown!
And not just Monkey Boy’s friends! Aspie Teen has made a friend! And the kid is over here EVERY DAY. He eats here and EVERY weekend he sleeps here. (He is 18 years old and I’m pretty sure that he is a special needs kid, but I have no one to ask as I haven’t met his mother yet, since she works odd hours in a nursing home, and our schedules never coincide).So when he’s here and he and Aspie Teen are trying to play games upstairs Tantrum Tot is up there in a flash commandeering the room, the game, the controllers, everything.
So of course Monkey Boy’s solution is simple (for him). He gathers his friends up and leaves. and WHOA BABY does this not work for Tot’s mother and I!!!! Because they way it goes down is that Monkey Boy and his friends will be upstairs, and finally Tantrum Tot gets wind of it, after his mother and I spend hours of time and energy keeping him busy downstairs, keeping the TV on loud so he can’t hear them playing upstairs. (which is such a JOY to do when you have an infant and a wife with SPD issues!), whatever we have to do so that Monkey Boy and Aspie Teen can have some time with their friends alone. Then the Tot will run upstairs in SUCH a good mood, cause he’s SO HAPPY that his friends are here to play!!! Only Monkey Boy almost instantly will lead them downstairs the second Tantrum Tot becomes involved In his game. And before you know it, the kids are outside, and the Tot is now SCREAMING bloody murder, and if we don’t intervene quick, things are going flying and family members are being assaulted.
it’s like mercury getting pushed along a desk top…one tap and whoosh! Off it goes….and his mother and I have to run to intercept, to calm down to reassure to stabilize….and when we accomplish that, in comes Monkey Boy again…either with his friends in tow or flying solo, and here it starts again….
His mother and I try to intercept, we do our best to divert, to distract to do whatever we need to do…but it’s impossible. And when we finally manage to divert him, to distract him, to peel him away from the collective bunch of kids that are running around our house, that is EXACTLY WHEN Monkey Boy decides to come down stairs and leave with all his friends….or walk in from outside with all of them. And then Tantrum Tot is immediately wanting to go with them.
Of course Monkey Boy has NO clue what it is he’s doing wrong, and he cannot grasp why mom and dad get so upset so often when he walks in. So the process starts again unless his mother and I can keep him otherwise occupied. Which means dinner is delayed, house cleaning is STOPPED indefinitely, weekend projects now become monthly projects, and the Monkey starts chasing the weasel again!
We can’t stop Monkey Boy from having his friends over because it wouldn’t be fair to him (his mother convinced me of this), and we can’t let Tantrum Tot continue dominating things the way he currently is. Tantrum Tot cannot grasp that he’s wrong for wanting to dominate and making everyone play his way, Monkey Boy can’t understand that when he does that to his brother he is not helping at all, and we can’t MAKE them understand either! We’re trying believe me but it’s a very slow, very frustrating process. Monkey Boy and Aspie Teen used to have more time for themselves when Tot was in day care and he stayed there till 6 every day, but now that he and his brother are going to the same school and ride the same bus home, it’s impossible.
My wife is losing her mind because she’s not getting much sleep, and has almost no time to do school work or keep up with her blogging. We’re supposed to be writing her next book together but she can’t even get her schoolwork done during the day. I am 30 days from an extremely important audit at my job and I’m supposed to be working late to get ready for it, but I can’t and I can’t bring my work home with me and if I did, I wouldn’t have time to do it anyway.
The Monkey and the weasel….the story of our lives….