Category: marriage

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I’ve been doing some light research on autism etc. for various reasons and I came across something that disturbs me. There are so many people being told their children and themselves as well will never be able to exist on their own, to live their own lives, to love someone or be loved by someone. That they and their children, their loved ones are doomed to a life of perpetual supervision and loneliness.

It makes me ask one question among the hundreds that flit through my ADD brain…ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

PLEASE stop pushing this garbage on people, and children especially!!!

My wife grew up without ever being diagnosed. She is high functioning, and struggles in so many areas. And she struggled without ever knowing she was autistic. Along the way, she had too many bad experiences to count but she developed into an intelligent, driven young lady, who despite all the challenges she faced persevered and is still fighting today!

She was living on her own at age 14 and raising her 3 brothers in lieu of parents who were there but didn’t make any of their kids a priority. She worked several jobs at once, maintaining a place to live that her brothers could come stay at whenever they wanted. She went to school, she went to church, she dated, got hurt, dated again, got fired from jobs, quit others, but always came back.

If anyone reading this has ever been told they have no hope of ever being loved or loving someone let me tell you right now that is LIE!!!

I didn’t know my wife had autism till we had been married for around 10 years. There was plenty about her that I could not explain, but you know what? Because I loved her I let them go and kept at it. Our marriage was ROUGH the first 10 years. Mostly due to my immaturity and stupidity, but dealing with the issues which arose because of her autism (though we didn’t know it was autism) was not easy on either of us.

But I have to say this, without my wife’s devotion to family, her drive to make our marriage work, and her ability to forgive, I would not be the man I am today. I most likely would not even be around to type these words, I would have given up on myself and ended my pain, but SHE gave me reason to hope, reason to change. She inspired me, she showed me how to truly love someone and how beautiful love could be. My children, and myself are so lucky to have her, autism and all. Her autism doesn’t make her less…it makes her more…more than I am …more than anyone else I know.

So keep the faith. There is hope for you. You are not doomed. You can and will lead a full satisfying life. There may be some limitations you might have to adjust to, but just don’t give up.

My wife put her heart and soul into our marriage. She put her heart and soul into her book. And though she’s stuck with  a husband like me, tonight at least she was honored for her hard work and dedication on one front. Tonight was the Awards ceremony for the Reader’s Favorite Book Awards, which she took second place in her category.

I am so proud of her. She deserves recognition for so much more than this but at least she is being recognized for her work on this book.

Congratulations Jeannie. I love you and I am so very proud of you.



As you may know my wife decided to write a memoir about her growing up with undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. If you’ve visited my blog you’ve seen the picture of the book on the right hand side. It looks like this…

2013 Readers Favorite International Book Awards Silver Book Award

2013 Readers Favorite International Book Awards Silver Book Award

Well some interesting tidbits for you who are interested is that this is my wife’s first published book . (OK so it’s self-published so what?), and she not only wrote it, but she designed the book cover completely on her own, (I had some slight input), and she then formatted it for e-readers all by herself as well. We did hire an editor (any one who is writing a book needs one),

Now for the good part, (yes it does get better), we entered her memoir in a book contest, and she WON! She came in 2nd place in an international book contest!! The name is the 2013 Reader’s Favorites International Book Awards!!!

I am SO proud of her!!! AND she is taking Aspie Teen with her to the awards ceremony in MIAMI FLORIDA later this month. I wanted to go, but with the time I took off from work for the birth of the baby (who is a humungous chunk by now BTW), and the trip to NYC to bury her father, I don’t have the time on the books at work to take off. PLUS taking Tantrum Tot and the baby and Monkey Boy and Aspie Teen to FL right now is just too much….

To be honest, she is kind of freaking out about going without me. And I’m very nervous about not being there for her as well, but I insisted that she go. She doesn’t get nearly enough accolades for doing the job she does raising the boys, saving their lives when the communication differences between me and them flare up, maintaining a blog, being the Autism expert on  and writing her articles, and having the gift she does to learn…she truly is an amazing woman and now finally she has an opportunity to stand up and be recognized for all she does.

So thank any of you who have bought the book, or read the book. And if you haven’t left a review on Amazon, would you please do so? And if you haven’t bought it, go ahead, Christmas is coming…treat yourself and splurge on the e-book! It’s only $3.99…and if you have an Amazon Prime account, you can borrow it for free!

And would you please go to our Facebook page and add/like us? You guys are the best!



I will go into more detail later but right now HOW MANY TIMES does Monkey Boy have to be yelled at for the SAME thing????

Tantrum Tot has gone into full behavior has gone to shit mode…and it takes massive amounts of focused energy by his mother and I to move him out of anger/rage/hitting mode to a place where he is calm like again…and of course that is when Monkey Boy will go over to him and innocently try to engage him…which leads to his INSTANT return to monster mode!!!!

I swear to you he has been yelled at least 5 times TODAY since 10 a.m.!!!!

OK rant over…I’ll try to post more later. I miss posting!

It’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you…without a dope blog to step to…

SORRY!!!!  I wanted to open the blog with the statement “It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here”…and the song “Make Them Clap to This” by Erik B and Rakim flashed across my head!! (Dangers of my AADD brain).

Anyway as you know my wonderful Aspie Wife delivered a wonderful baby boy (our 4th) amidst the usual drama which revolves around our lives. Mom is doing well and recovering from her Synthesis Pelvic Dysfunction with the help of this fantastic Chiropractor where we live (originally from Long Island NY), and plenty of bed rest, even though she keeps trying to over do it.

The labor went well with the use of an Epidural (the first time she’s used it), but the recovery time afterwards has been kind of insane. Despite all our repeated speaking to the doctors and nurses in the hospital regarding her paradoxical reactions to medication, they gave her Percocet, both before and after her delivery. Before she had the baby, we were regulating her intake at home and she was taking half a pill every 3-4 hours instead of the prescribed 1-2 tablets every 2-4 hours as needed. At first she was doing great on it. Then after the epidural, they increased her dosage at the hospital to a whole tablet every 3-4 hours. The day she came home, she continued that dosage, but almost immediately after started having EXTREME panic attacks. I’m talking about staying up till 3 am walking around the van in the parking spot in front of our house drinking a gallon of water, vomiting style panic attacks.

Well of course her being the Aspie minded individual she is, started researching the next day and lo and behold, found out that Percocet can cause panic attacks in those who are already prone to having them! Well my wife had severe panic and anxiety disorders earlier in her life, which we’ve told the doctors…AND I mentioned her reactions to the doctors and nurses at the hospital every chance I got. I’ve come to the conclusion that they just don’t know what these medications can do to people. That the sales reps from the drug companies don’t tell them, and they being the busy professionals they are, never get a chance to research it so they just don’t know before prescribing these meds. It’s the only scenario that makes any sense.

Anyway, we’ve more or less gotten through that stage as the meds left her system. The new baby is doing well, and I’ve had enough time on the books to take off till the end of next week to help her recover. It amazed me that the size of a newborn pamper is about the size of my smart phone!

Phone vs Pamper

I’ve been able to do SO much clean up in the house to get ready, although I still haven’t built up the strength to go into the Cave of Aspie-ness which is the boys room. it took me 3 days to clean out the baby’s room! (remember the a/c hasn’t been working up there all summer so it’s been throw it upstairs and I’ll deal with it later all summer).  The a/c STILL is not working but now at least once I go through the Aspie Cave with a blow torch and a light saber, I can get to the point where I can call someone to take a look at the a/c unit without being MORTIFIED about the state of the house.  I’ve been doing laundry for about a week and am finally at the end of the tunnel in that battle. I fixed the shower in the upstairs bathroom so the boys don’t have to use ours downstairs anymore (go me!) and I went  through the dark vortex which is our laundry room and you can actually walk in there again! I went through the linen closet and still have a large bin of crap to go through and decide what’s staying and what’s going to the laundry room …and I still have to go through my closet and drawers and throw about 80% of my crap away. Also MAJOR victory the Thomas the Train bed is GONE from my living room! I was finally able to get it upstairs and Tot’s asleep in it now! Let’s hope he lasts the whole night up there!

Luckily the boys all love their new brother, especially Tantrum Tot. However, we’ve hit a snag. (You just KNEW that was coming didn’t  you guys?) Tantrum Tot has become increasingly more and more difficult. His meltdowns are coming more frequently and he starts screaming and fighting me and his mother and brothers for the slightest provocations. He gets mad and starts throwing things around (with uncanny accuracy and strength for a 2 year old), and he’s been physically attacking us while screaming at the top of his lungs. The other day after picking him up from day care, we went through the drive through pharmacy (those are COOL, they don’t have those in NYC), and next thing I knew I was hit in the side of the head with his toy phone! He knocked my blue tooth device smack off my head! My wife of course busted out laughing even while in shock…thank GOD I wasn’t actually driving at the time!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

The frequency and the intensity of these episodes is VERY concerning for us ESPECIALLY with an infant in the house. It’s been emotionally draining for both me and his mother. The boys don’t/can’t understand what is going on. A trusted Psychologist we know told us to physically restrain him during the more violent outbursts while verbally trying to soothe him. I had to do that the other night and it left him in tears being comforted by his mother and me near tears because I HATED to have to do that to him, but he was really getting out of control and his new brother was in the room and we had to act immediately to ensure Aspie Baby wasn’t hurt.

Today we had to take the Tot with us to Walmart to go grocery shopping since we don’t have a sitter anymore. We HAD to go to Walmart even though we both can’t stand that place…because it’s the only place where they have electric scooter/chairs my wife can use due to her pelvic issues. While he was well behaved for him, he still had a few tantrums (not meltdowns) and caused some more of the hair on my head to go gray. When we got home, even more meltdowns and another violent episode. I gotta tell you I’m getting very very concerned about this. They seem to be increasing and my emotional ability to process them is decreasing. If any of you could steer me towards any good articles on dealing with this I’d really appreciate it!

Anyway I’m going to go try and lay down in between feedings. I can’t wait till this one’s schedule is right!

My wife, who is an Aspie cannot take meds that are supposed to put her to sleep. Instead of going too sleep and staying asleep she regains consciousness and jumps up in a panicked state.

Meds that would put me out for hours (and have) , merely induce a mild state of relaxation in her followed swiftly by the onset of panic.

During dental procedures the novacaine fades almost immediately after her being injected.  Which causes no end of trouble.

I am wondering if any of you have similar experiences when taking such meds?

Our theory is that people with ASD metabolize these chemicals differently.

Please share your experiences with us?

I just wanted to go on record with something. My wife is a truly amazing woman!!!

Many of you have come to my blog because you follow her blog so you have an inkling as to how bright and brilliant she is.

But you know what?? I went to take a minute to brag about her because you just don’t know.

She is one of the bravest women I’ve ever met. And one of the smartest. At any given time we have some major things going on in our lives. Things we don’t talk about here on our blogs. And misty off the time its her tenacity that inspires ME to action.

She will not back down..especially when defending our kids. In many ways she ids the watchdog of our family.  Our kids love her to death. (And some days I think it might just be her death). Despite all the SPD issues she battles with, she continues to allow them to be kids, more than even I do. A lot of Times,I ‘m trying to reign then in because I know how much the noise sets her on edge, but she’ll yell at me too leave them alone.

For the past week or so, she’s been in so much pain. I’m talking tears in her eyes, pain worse than labor pain, can’t walk further than the drivers seat of the minivan in front of the house and back. She alternates all day between the sofa and the bed and still is in pain 24/7.

And through it all, she still is taking Tantrum Tot to daycare (with Aspie. Teens help), helping Aspie Teen navigate the new online school he’s in, doing school work and trying too write articles for to help bring money in to the house.

Last night she let me pass out since I had been awake since 3:20 a.m.. even though she was in pain.

Today, she’s been feeling sho depressed and scared, and she still sends me a text apologizing for feeling down!!

Listen ladies when your pelvis sound like rice crispies and your body is gearing up to push a Volkswagen out an opening the size of a silver dollar you can be freaking anxious all you want!!!!

I love her so much and I’m so proud of all she’s accomplished since her diagnosis…

I am so lucky too have her!

You know you are in an Aspie relationship when your significant other can say this to you and you just roll off the pillow and go to sleep.

My wife has a very appropriate nickname in my house. The Princess of Pillows…(among other ones that won’t be listed here) LOL. This particular name stems from the fact that every night, she is surrounded by a mountain of pillows. One behind her back, one in front of her stomach, and two in between her legs. Not to mention the one her head sits on.


So needless to say this mountain of pillows leaves not very much room left for me! And then the kids come in. Aspie Teen is almost as tall and wide as I am. He is flat out not allowed in the bed any longer! Aspie Monkey Boy is around 4 foot 5. He loves to burrow under the blankets and pop his head up the other side and try to stake a claim to a spot in the middle.

Tantrum Tot will go to bed and halfway through the night come in my room and smack me in the head with either his hand or his sippy cup and make me put him in between us. Only there’s one catch. Once he’s settled, I can’t stay! He’ll either kick me in the kidneys till I get up or he’ll point imperiously and say GO! And since I don’t want him to stay awake, I’ll go to the foot of the bed or to the sofa. Just until he falls back asleep, (or so I tell myself). The problem with that is I usually end up passing back out and not waking up till it’s time for me to get ready for work.

But through it all my wife remains buried in her fortress of pillow-tude. I realize she needs this fortress. She has to have it. She cannot sleep without it. But when you’re in a king sized bed and there’s no room for Daddy, it can sometimes become a bit ridiculous.

I’ve even threatened to trade up the king sized bed to a queen sized bed. LOL Not that I’d ever do it. Most guys would love this facet of her Aspie-ness. She does not have an overwhelming need to cuddle. In fact she’s very guy-ish about not needing to cuddle at all. Even after intimacy….it’s lke wow, ok now get off my pillows! LMAO

Life with an Aspie partner is never dull. Never quite normal either, but never dull.

Today was a bad day. Unfortunately, these are becoming more and more frequent in this Aspie household. The day started with Tantrum Tot waking up at 6 a.m. and NOT going back to sleep. This of course was the exact time I have to leave for work to make the ride-share to work, saving me from having to spend more money on the liquid gold we put daily into our automobiles.

Aspie Mom has been having increasingly worse trouble sleeping at night. From gas to heartburn, (Aspie Fetus probably has enough hair on his body to make him look like a mini sasquatch, which gives her tremendous heartburn). From the aches and pains of her rapidly increasing pregnancy, to the sleeplessness and night terrors which plague her normally, she gets  less and less sleep at any given time.

Couple this with how overwhelmed she’s been lately, with Aspie Monkey Boy home all day, and the girls next door over more often, and Tantrum Tot giving her a hard time in the morning before daycare, the new class she’s taking in school (online), the new gig, and her ever present ever annoying mother demanding rides to this place and that place, a lot of the routines she’s developed to keep her grounded have been blown to bits, leaving her rattled and floundering around some days.

Today when Tantrum Tot woke up at 6, she LOST it. I ended up staying later than usual, and missing the ride share so I could comfort her and take the baby to day care before I left. I then had to drive in to work. Now Tantrum Tot usually gives his mother hell to get dressed each day. Today, arms up pants down, shoes on in 5 minute flat. His mother was fit to be tied. After I got him dressed he picked up his bag, put it on his shoulder and waved good bye to his mother! (this kid is going to get me killed one day I swear).

I come back, wifey is in bed attempting to calm herself down. I switch cars with her, and head off on I-95 towards my job. I get there and today we had a ROUGH hectic day, with things not going wrong exactly, it’s just that things were not happening fast enough, and some things were done one way by another place which threw us off completely when we received them at our place. (I’m sorry if that was confusing, I absolutely refuse to be specific as to what I do for a living). ANYWAY on top of going in late, at the end of the day I had to stay late in order to make sure something happened that absolutely had to happen. The problem was most of it depended on somebody ELSE doing their job first before I could do what I needed to do.

In the midst of that I got into a huge argument with a bill collector that called me at work to accuse me of not paying them and just sitting on the money instead of paying what I owed them. It got me so upset that I am not going to talk about it here. Needless to say that the person I was talking to is lucky I don’t know where they live.

OK so I get home and wifey and I go to pick up the tot. We get him, he’s been crying but has a huge smile and hugs for us when we walk in. We put happy baby in the van and head off the car lot to look at another vehicle. (LONG STORY). Tot starts SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. He apparently didn’t want to go that direction. He ended up passing out from screaming in the van before we got him home. I cancelled looking at the car lot in the midst of his kick the back of the drivers seat while screaming at the top of his lungs tantrum.

I get home and Monkey Boy is trying to not bust a gut, because he wants a new Wii game and mom told him he couldn’t talk about it all day until Dad got home. (Thanks a LOT Mom!) Anyway he runs up to me, I did what you said, I didn’t talk about it all day can we get it now? I had to run to the grocery store to buy chips anyway so I say I’ll pick it up. That began what ended up being 4 runs to the store to replace the game, only to have them finally hand over a brand new one, only to bring it home to have it still not work!

Keep in mind, each of the times I went back, I was in the middle of trying to make a salad for wifey and me and cook the Monkey Boy’s dinner. (Aspie Teen was having left overs). So now mom has her salad, Monkey Boy’s dinner is made and my salad is getting browner by the second. But I went back a few more times until finally the guy at the store just upgraded me to a new game instead of a used one. Except that when I get home, the NEW game doesn’t work either! Monkey Boy LOST it…meltdown central! He went next door to his friends house, to see if the game would play there but their mother had to go to work early the next day and sent him right back home.

I heard his meltdown in the dining room, while he was outside the house! I had to run, bring him in, throw him in my room before he wakes up his brother and calm him down and threaten his life if he woke up his brother. He went ON and ON and then REFUSED to eat dinner.  Now finally wifey is in bed, Teen is up in his Aspie-Cave, Monkey Boy si finally eating  his dinner in front of Netflix and Tot is still passed out and I’m begging God Almighty to have him sleep through the night.

As soon as I upload this I’m gone.

This weekend wasn’t as bad as some others. We have definately had worse in this house.

Tantrum Tot, though not at his worst, had some pretty Tantrum-y stages, but on the whole he was good for him. More than once this weekend my wife and I yet again pondered how a child could be so adorable yet so evil at the same time.

He can snuggle and make the most adorable noises, and you can tell that he is communicating…and if I only understand baby-ese I could learn the secrets of the universe. And then jump up and wreak havoc and misery on a household scale and then just as suddenly revert back to adorable.

Aspie Monkey Boy has been enjoying his summer days, full of freedom and hanging out with the girls next door or his friend from down the row of townhouses we live in. However, when those children are not around or can’t play or he can’t go over there, he goes into agitated, melt down mode, arguing, complaining, slamming doors, stomping feet, and ultimately being threatened with bodily harm by yours truly after failed attempts to reason with him. But first thing in the mornings, before anything has gone wrong, he’ll climb into bed and demand snuggles..and curl up with you and bury his head in your chest and make you wish that moment could go on forever.

Aspie Teen is doing his best moody teenager impersonation lately. Rarely venturing from the cave of Aspie-ness which is his room. Coming out to eat, drink, drop a few announcements, and try to cajole a new video game from us. Then retreat back upstairs to the relative sanctity (and messiness) which is his room.

Friday night, my wife posted this blog from the kids. Note the entry from Aspie Teen. Then late Friday night, Aspie Monkey Boy gives me the card below that he made for me.


Father’s Day started out pretty routine. I was in bed…Tantrum Tot woke up at his usual 7:30 a.m. time frame..(that kid, no matter what time he goes to bed, will NOT stay in bed past that time). I got up, gave him a bottle, changed his pamper and settled him in front of the TV and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. made my cappuccino, and 3 slices of raisin toast with cream cheese, sat in the armchair and tried to continue reading the Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan which I recently started re-reading on my beloved Kindle Fire.

Half a mug and 5 pages later, my peace has been declared over by the reigning monarch in the pamper. I have to push him around the house in the car that my wife bought him (against my vehement objections I might add). Then I have to push a toy car to and fro with him, which all things considered was pretty cool because it kept him quiet and I got to lay down for a bit while doing it.

Then Aspie Monkey Boy came out the room and pandemonium broke loose. These two youngsters have an official yet undeclared rivalry going on. When one is around the other the contest of wills begins for who is going to be the dominant one vying for the attention of whichever parental unit is present.

Still I managed to keep an atmosphere of controlled chaos, on a quiet scale going. Wifey was still asleep after all. She came out after a while asking if the magic button had any magic in it, which is code for did you set up my coffee maker yet?  I assured her there was magic at the ready and she proceeded to make her coffee. Well she sat down for about 5 minutes when Monkey Boy insisted it was time for gifts!

So she got the gifts from Monkey Boy and Tommy and Aspie Fetus that she had taken them to get. Now Aspie Dad LOVES gifts, so of course he was happy! LOL

They got me a very nice shirt and tie (for work) a bank jar with a built in counter to keep the mountains of loose change I keep scattered on the top of the the dressers in my room, honey’s not so subtle way of saying get rid of it. Then Aspie Teen made his morning appearance and of course he had to have the prerequisite amount of drama before giving me my gift, which was a a very nice silver ID bracelet.

Well wifey of course has a day planned because she refuses to let any of our holidays slink into the halls of obscurity without an attempt to make them more memorable for us. Of course money is tight, the budget is ridiculously lacking but she can plan with the best  of them, so we get a bucket of KFC, and off to the park we go.

We are in luck, since it’s so bloody hot outside, practically no one else is there so Tantrum Tot can run amok enjoying himself on the playground. I was able to toss the frisbee around with the boys for a while while wifey sat on the picnic table I had dragged to a shaded spot under some trees in front of the playground where she could keep watch on the Tot as he climbed all around the playground.

Aspie Teen kept trying to keep his angry bird impersonation going but each time he say how his little brother and I were having fun, kept coming back to play, which his mom and I found quite amusing.

Well after being DRENCHED in sweat, Tantrum Tot demanded I take him to the swings. While I was trying to swing him a young girl came down and asked if I minded if she took some pics of us. She apparently was from the local paper and she was sent out in the middle of a 90 degree Sunday to get some pictures of Father’s playing with their kids! (I haven’t checked the paper yet to see if I made it).

Well we were going to go out to the pool when we got back, but wifey was wilted from the heat and had to lay down and Tantrum Tot passed out and before I knew it Aspie Teen was waking me up 2 hours later saying YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE US TO THE POOL!

All in all it was a pretty mild weekend which for use in this house translates into being a very good weekend. We had the usual fights, and misunderstandings. The required melt downs and tantrums. The obligatory threatening of the lives and physical well being by yours truly, and the inevitable making up and lounging in front of the TV which is the most useful behavior modifying tool in our house as long as the channel isn’t changed from the Disney Channel.

Today I am off from work and have an appointment with wifey and have to try to find a mechanic who will look at the van today. Oh joy!

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