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Looks Can Be Deceiving

Today my wife,  the Monster in Law,  Chunky, Tantrum Tot and I ventured off to a thrift store the next town over. Now it goes without saying that by the time we got in the van to go I needed a drink (or 30).

Here are some pics from the venture.


They had this sign there, I thought it was awesome


The Tot wouldn't take his helmet off the whole time



The Tot & Chunky playing with their new toys

From these pics it looks like the day went all nice and calm and the little monsters were actually cherubs wouldn’t you?

The pics don’t show the amount of times I had to count to 10 or walk away or chase after chunky cause he bolted, or how loud he screamed, or how many times I had to avert a meltdown by the Tot. 

They don’t show the frustration, or the anger, the being fed up, the overwhelming urge to smash things simply because there is nothing you can do.

Everyone’s journey with autism, everyone’s experiences, everyone’s ability to cope is as different as how many different presentations there are of autism itself. 

Remember that everyone deserves the benefit of a doubt and everyone deserves understanding as well as compassion.  Be they autistic or Neuro typical. And no-one deserves to be judged.


Chunky Monkey


Enjoying the sun finally!

Chunky is now 19 months old and is completely non – verbal.  He is happy most of the time though. AND he actually communicates with us!  He will bring us to the table and grunt and squeals till we guess what he wants.

When he is happy he will squeal and laugh with such cuteness!  He gets very “flappy” when he’s happy, and will walk around flapping his hands like crazy. Or he’ll run around in circles and make himself fall over, or go running across the floor on his tip toes.   And he’s got the cutest giggle ever. 

Of course the flip side of that is that he has the most eat piercing yells too. But for the most part, he’s a happy Chunky. 


He’s never had a haircut and his hair is completely out of control. I can barely get him to eat anything most days and he hates bring “tied” in his high chair. He’s starting to play with his brother’s toys and Netflix keeps him occupied for hours.  He walks around with a baby blanket all day and won’t go to sleep without it.  He reminds me of Linus from the Peanuts gang.


I’m rapidly losing hope that he won’t be on the spectrum though.  In fact his mom and I are trying to get the process started to test him. I guess I’ll continue to be the only N.T in this house!

Happy Birthday Aspie Teen!

Aspie Teen turned the big 16 today!

Right this second he’s in DMV taking the exam for his drivers permit!!!

Lord I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this! 

But do me a favor and leave him a comment here wishing him a happy birthday!


Aspie Teen Gets Deep!

Today,  Aspie Teen and I went to the movies.  We saw the movie Chappie. I had never heard of it buy he said he had seen the preview and wanted to see it.  I read the description and watched the trailer and it seemed ok,  so my wife valiantly threw herself on her sword and stayed home with Monkey Boy,  Tantrum Tot and Chunky Monkey so he and I could go see it. 

The movie, while good, was kind of dark and a little disturbing.  (Warning!  Spoiler Alert coming! ) In the movie they discovered how to transfer a human consciousness into a robot body. 

This was disturbing for me and him. And while we were walking back to the car,  we were discussing what it was about the movie that disturbed us.  We both agreed that switching a human consciousness into a machine was the thing that we found disturbing.

Then Aspie Teen said the deepest thing. .. he said “Yeah dad, if humans really learned how to do that it would upset the balance in the universe…I mean there are evil people who need to die, and if they could be brought back the world would never be rid of them. ”

I was astounded!  It upset me for moralistic reasons, but Aspie Teen took it to a whole other level!!! And he was right,  but I never thought of that! What an amazing kid I tell you!

The God Honest Truth

We are going through so much right now.  I can’t even begin to express it all.  Overwhelming doesn’t come close to describing it. Mind numbing, terrifying,  dread filling terror comes closer but doesn’t begin to cover it either. 

I listen to my son’s voices and I’m scared to death for them.  I touch briefly on this blog about the struggles off raising three autistic boys,  but I never go too deep into detail. I can’t.  Every time I think I’m getting a handle on something… that I’ve made the tiniest bit of progress,  the bottom falls out,  the situation goes sideways, the shit hits the proverbial fan and it leaves me utterly incapacitated,  the breath knocked out of me and the fear is so real it has a voice.

And the voice says your going to lose them.  Your going to be defeated,  you’re kids will be lost and there is nothing you can do about it.  The cards are stacked against you, this is a fight you can’t win and if you try you will get the ever loving shit kicked out of you and you will go through so much pain in the process you may as well lay down on a set of train tracks and wait for the end to come because it will be easier than what’s in store for you.

And I want to lay down on those tracks and give up.  Because I’m already beat the hell up. I’ve already gone eight rounds with other adversaries.  My days are already all jacked up and I was already having problems holding onto any kind of hope at all. So building myself up to go that ninth round seems like the hardest thing to do in life,  and yeah part of me is like why even bother? 

What’s the use? Your kids don’t know anything is even wrong,  your family doesn’t know anything is wrong,  this ridiculously broken system which is supposedly of the people,  for the people and by the people has been horribly and irrevocably broken. There is no outlet or help or justice if you can’t afford to pay out the ass for it.So there is no hope or help too be had from them.

So yeah I don’t want to climb back into the ring with Goliath. I’m already bleeding from a hundred different wounds and my blood and will are seeping out of my heart and soul.

But if I don’t pick up the fight again who will? Who will be the champion for my family? True I’m a beat down washed up has been who’s better days are long behind him, and as such I’m not much of a champion, but I’m all they got.

So I guess I’ll pick myself up, climb back in the ring for that ninth round and hope I’m good enough to last it out till the end, whatever that end may be. I’ll go one more round, try a few more combinations, and pray for some kind of, any kind of really, victory. And maybe, just maybe I’ll take some of those bastards with me.

Like Rocky Balboa said “I ain’t heard no bell yet”…

Tonight we decided to be brave.  My job has an employee’s club that from time to time will host events in the local community.  Well we moved out here with the sincere desire to be more involved in this club so we can maybe make some friends and not be house hermits anymore.

Well the employees club sponsored a Tubing Night at the local ski mountain.  We actually thought we missed it because it got rescheduled due to extreme cold.  Today I found out last minute that it was rescheduled for tonight.

Someone please tell me that I am not the only person who goes insane trying to get the kids out of the house?  Aspie Teen did his usual passive resistive thing which resulted in the Tot having a meltdown while I was trying to get him and Chunky ready. 

Monkey Boy was dressed and ready to go,  but the Teen always drags his feet and causes chaos whenever he is forced to come anywhere with us. This time by refusing to help the Tot with his game.  So we pile a screaming Tot,  a squirming Chunky,  a resistant Teen,  Rocky the Service Dog,  a harassed and overwhelmed wife and me into the van and off we go.

Well we got the Tot called down on the way , got there and got Monkey Boy and Aspie Teen going down the mountain while my wife and I stayed in the lodge with the Tot and Chunky cause the Tot wanted a cheeseburger. 

Rocky was great, and it was a pleasant night although we didn’t really interact with too many co workers. .. since we’re still new here, we haven’t really broken into the social circle yet.  But all was going well until we decided to take the Tot up the hill so he could tube down.

Well he decided he really liked the lift which took them up the hill.  So much in fact that he didn’t want to stop at the point where he was supposed to and decided to throw a fit on his mom.

Aspie Teen came to the lodge and told me to go help his mother. .I couldn’t figure out where she was so I headed up the hill to find her.  I almost died cause by the time my fat ass got up the hill I was so exhausted I could’ve fallen over and easily rolled down the hill. (I walked up the hill).

Well by the time I walked back down the hill and found them,  the Tot was in full blown meltdown mode.  I had to carry him to van. .. my co-workers did see part of the meltdown and seemed to take it graciously,  but we’ll see what happens when I get back to work on Monday.

Ok so I’ve mentioned before how I love the mall… always have always will I guess. So after being here two months we decided to venture forth into the brave unknown and visit the larger area which is about 45 minutes to an hour away from us to go visit the mall and see what other stores were in the area.  Particularly to see if they had a book store where Aspie Teen could go hang out, cause he’s sorely missing being able go do that like he used to in SC.

It’s about 11:30 a.m. when we made that brilliant decision.  Finally after the usual whining and complaining from all the boys,  and the wrestling to get them in the van,  we’re off to see the mall,  the wonderful wonderful mall!

Well since no-one had eaten yet,  we had to go through McDonald’s drive thru first.  Well the Tot already had it in his mind that we were going to sit and eat there instead of driving thru. 
And since it was already 1:00 p.m now, (getting my kids ready and out the house can drive you to drink before you actually go anywhere), we had to go through the drive thru which by the way was the original plan. 

The Tot though had already planned something else in his mind.  So now he was in full on hitting, screaming,  melt down mode. Which lasted, I shit you not,  the ENTIRE drive to the mall.  He wouldn’t pet Rocky,  and wouldn’t let Monkey Boy touch him either. 

M.B. was in the back of the van with the Tot and the Tot’s meltdown was really causing him to wig out!  Also since we now live in a mountainous region, our ears were popping like crazy due to the elevations and M.B. didn’t know why and he was miserable. 

Anyway M.B. was wigging out real bad and in full whine mode,  the Tot was melting down in epic proportions,  wifey was freaking out and nagging me about how fast I was driving as usual…. it’s a wonder we made it to the mall in one piece!

Once we got there however,  the Tot called down almost immediately.  He held Rocky’s leash,  and walked happily through the mall!  That was until we got to Game Stop… Then it was quick,  re direct quickly! 

We redirected,  got him back on Rocky’s lead and got him and Chunky to some rides. .. Then to the arcade. .. where I was so impressed with Rocky I gotta say.  For that being such a loud chaotic environment,  He didn’t do one thing wrong.  He stayed by the Tot’s side the entire time.  He was actually amazing to see.  He was the Tot’s personal guard dog. 


M.B. the Tot and Chunky Monkey


Ricky the Wonder/Service/Guard Dog watching the Tot play.


The Tot, M.B. , wifey and Rocky in the arcade

When it was time to go the Tot left with no problems either. At one point we went to Dicks  Sporting Goods store and the Tot took off.  My wife said Rocky find the Tot!  And he took off like a shot and found him!  We’ve only been teaching him this for a few days too! 

Of course when we went out to the van it was snowing,  so the trip home was a very nervous one,  but the Tot,  M.B. and everyone else had a very mellow ride due to or utilizing the travel DVD player we had just bought a movie for!

All in all,  it wasn’t a relaxing day,  but it was definitely am improvement from some other mall nightmares I can regale you with.


Yesterday we went to view a home in the area that we are putting a contract on. It’s a 4 BR / 1.5 bath two story home with a basement that though not finished is completely dry and able to be used immediately, and an attic space that could be finished for another family / get the kids the hell out of the grown up space area. My wife and I had seen the house already but wanted to show the kids…WHEN ARE WE GOING TO LEARN NOT TO DO THAT!!!???

With my kids…if you want to maintain any semblance of sanity…DO NOT give them options or opinions of any sort. Sounds cruel I know…but honestly…they are not going to do good with change anyway so spare ourselves the pain and agony and just TELL them what’s going to happen.

We went and I was supposed to be taking pictures because the online listing has been taken down. Well we get there and Monkey Boy immediately starts not listening, wandering off, playing with things…before anyone was even out of the van Monkey Boy got out and just walked into the house through the side/basement door without knocking or anything…which resulted in the Tot HAVING to enter in that way too…but by that point we had already carried him to the front door…well the Tot attacked me until I took him back out and through that door too…then when we got to the basement Monkey Boy immediately sat down behind the drum set that was down there and started messing with it….and of course Monkey see Monkey do…the Tot now HAD to play with them and didn’t want to put the sticks down because they were HIS drums…and he’s flipping out again…and words have failed him…



Aspie Teen was in his usual melancholy funk mode…he walked around the house, went upstairs looked at the rooms, then walked out to the van leaving me with Chunky Monkey and the Tot while wifey walked around with Monkey Boy when he knows he’s supposed to help with the kids. Well she went upstairs with Monkey Boy and the Tot LOST IT because HE wants to go upstairs with mommy and mommy can’t carry him cause he’s too heavy and I couldn’t carry him cause I can’t carry him and Chunky both up the stairs!!! Well he was in full on meltdown mode now cause he couldn’t get upstairs to the point where I had to call wifey down to stay with him and then carry him upstairs and open every door there was up there in every room …then bring him downstairs and try to talk business with the real estate agent.

Finally we get through the house…sign the contract and head to Pizza Hut to get dinner cause there was no way we were cooking now…we get there and the Tot passed out in the van (of course)…we were all getting separate items and went in to order and Aspie Teen says he wants a stuffed crust pizza…a whole pizza and that’s the only thing he wants..well damned if I’m buying him a whole pizza!!! But now wifey and I had to change our orders and just get the pizza so he can have it…which quite honestly is the Teen’s trademark when it comes to meals…whether we eat out or eat in…he HAS to have something different and complicate matters to the point where his mom and I end up throwing our hands up and skipping whatever it is we want cause by that point we don’t want to be bothered anymore…

We finally get home and when we get to bed later that night after we finally get Chunky down…the Tot HAS to sleep with us..and then Monkey Boy can’t sleep and HE comes and lays down with us…keep in mind this is a queen sized bed not our usual king…and wifey HAS to take up more than half the bed because her pillows must be arranged a certain way and her Kindle paper white has to be so far away from her….now the two monsters are in my bed and I’m balanced on the end like a trapeze artist lest I fall over the sides!

Yeah my life resembles a sitcom…

Shoot me now please?

Shoot me now please?

Monkey Boy Madness

Monkey Boy 2

Tonight Monkey Boy has really pushed me to the limit. It’s been a building for the past few weeks…you see the poor kid is lonely. He is not the Aspie type who wants to retreat to his room and engage in his special interests and you have to import daylight to him…(like Aspie Teen)…

He is the I want someone to play with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and NO you can’t go home and you can’t stop playing with me! Unfortunately, the only friend he’s made here is constantly going to hockey practice and can never come out and play with him…(I have my suspicions about that).

So where does Monkey Boy turn to for a playmate? The Tantrum Tot!!! Now words don’t penetrate that thick head of curls which is attached to his shoulders. The words leave him alone! or GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!! Fall on deaf ears. Case in point, today around 8 p.m. we had the Tot nice and mellow sitting on the sofa watching Netflix for like 2 hours…Monkey Boy comes over and starts riling him up and then gets upset cause I have to keep telling him to leave his brother alone…

Then I finally get the Tot situated back on the sofa and I tell Monkey Boy to sit with him on the sofa watching Octonauts (the Tot’s recent obsession), and he tell me NO??? Then continues to get his brother upset to the point where the Tot lost words again!!!

God help their mother cause they are both off from school for the next 3 days !!!! Let us pray….


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