Tag Archive: Family members with Autism

After a miserable day yesterday that left his mother in tears by the end of it,  the Tot seemed determined make up for it today,  because he’s been so well behaved that I’m wondering what they put in his sippy cup at school today and where can I get a hold of some of that stuff myself!

He’s been happy,  he’s asked for help,  he’s listened,  he took a bath AND he went potty all by himself with no prompting for the very first time today!!!

He’s been walking around without a pamper/pull up all evening,  (which made me very nervous I’m not ashamed to say), and then he just gets up and walks to the bathroom,  climbs up on the porcelain throne,  and lets go!

Some of you may be like what’s the big deal,  but some of you know what a VERY big deal it is when your special needs kid does something like this because you never thought you’d see the day come when they did it!

Most nights, he climbs into my bed and holds my wife hostage for 4-6 hours before he passes out. Tonight, he let me bring him to bed and lay down next to me and passed out in 45 minutes.

I don’t know what the change is but I pray to God to please let it last at least a few days!


Tot at the playground-he looked so happy I thought it would be the perfect pic to go with this post.


I gave Tantrum Tot a stuffed Snoopy doll this week to snuggle in place of his mommy who’s gone on a trip. Well Monkey Boy has a stuffed animal too though he hasn’t really used it in a while, but it was down in my room on the dresser.

Well as I’m sitting FINALLY trying to have my coffee…the yelling from my room starts…Tantrum Tot wants Monkey Boys stuffy. Monkey Boy will NOT relinquish it. He cannot understand or learn (and believe me I’ve tried to teach him numerous times), just give the item to Tot who will lose interest in it in 5 minutes, and walk away from it, then he can go get it again. No instead, Monkey Boy’s screaming cause Tot now has him by the hair in one hand, and nails dug into his chin with the other!!!

It’s not even 8 a.m. yet. Is it too early to put Baileys in my coffee? It’s got to be happy hour SOMEWHERE on this planet right?

This is an ongoing frustration for me being an NT dad & husband. I’m kind of old school in a lot of ways. Dealing with my kids is definitely something that I keep jumping back to my old ways of thinking, (before I found out my wife and kids were Aspie’s.) With.

It frustrates me having to explain everything I say to them. I’ve never liked having to explain my reasoning and motives for every little thing. Especially to kids. I mean I’m the dad right? Shouldn’t “Because I said so” be sufficient reason for a 9 year old?

And shouldn’t  “because I want to”, or “because that’s the way I’ve always done it” or “just because” be enough reason for why I do things? I’m a grown man after all…(my teenaged six pack of a stomach giving way to a man sized 3 liter of a stomach is proof enough of that right?)

But these are things I daily have to remind myself of. My kids and my wife want to and need to understand reasons and motives. They can’t just grin and go with it, because without understanding, they feel lost and sometimes adrift. And though we all feel that way sometimes, my wife and kids really are effected very differently when they feel like that.
This may seem strange to other NT’s and sometimes it may feel like Aspie’s are control freaks…but it’s not really true.  Sometimes it’s just that since their reasoning isn’t the same as ours, they feel extremely disconnected from us because they can’t understand why we’re doing what we’re doing and why.

This causes feelings of panic, anxiety, loneliness and isolation. And confusion! My kid can’t understand WHY he gets  recess taken away when he forgets to have us sign a paper. “But I did my homework assignments !” But getting that paper signed was an assignment too…”But it’s not LISTED as an assignment!” (Even my wife has problems with that one).

So every day I have to take a deep breath, even grit my teeth when necessary…and remember…it’s not insolence…it’s not defiance…it’s just them being them. ..the way they are…and though I would spare them the difficulties they are going to have of I could..I wouldn’t change them for anything.

It’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you…without a dope blog to step to…

SORRY!!!!  I wanted to open the blog with the statement “It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here”…and the song “Make Them Clap to This” by Erik B and Rakim flashed across my head!! (Dangers of my AADD brain).

Anyway as you know my wonderful Aspie Wife delivered a wonderful baby boy (our 4th) amidst the usual drama which revolves around our lives. Mom is doing well and recovering from her Synthesis Pelvic Dysfunction with the help of this fantastic Chiropractor where we live (originally from Long Island NY), and plenty of bed rest, even though she keeps trying to over do it.

The labor went well with the use of an Epidural (the first time she’s used it), but the recovery time afterwards has been kind of insane. Despite all our repeated speaking to the doctors and nurses in the hospital regarding her paradoxical reactions to medication, they gave her Percocet, both before and after her delivery. Before she had the baby, we were regulating her intake at home and she was taking half a pill every 3-4 hours instead of the prescribed 1-2 tablets every 2-4 hours as needed. At first she was doing great on it. Then after the epidural, they increased her dosage at the hospital to a whole tablet every 3-4 hours. The day she came home, she continued that dosage, but almost immediately after started having EXTREME panic attacks. I’m talking about staying up till 3 am walking around the van in the parking spot in front of our house drinking a gallon of water, vomiting style panic attacks.

Well of course her being the Aspie minded individual she is, started researching the next day and lo and behold, found out that Percocet can cause panic attacks in those who are already prone to having them! Well my wife had severe panic and anxiety disorders earlier in her life, which we’ve told the doctors…AND I mentioned her reactions to the doctors and nurses at the hospital every chance I got. I’ve come to the conclusion that they just don’t know what these medications can do to people. That the sales reps from the drug companies don’t tell them, and they being the busy professionals they are, never get a chance to research it so they just don’t know before prescribing these meds. It’s the only scenario that makes any sense.

Anyway, we’ve more or less gotten through that stage as the meds left her system. The new baby is doing well, and I’ve had enough time on the books to take off till the end of next week to help her recover. It amazed me that the size of a newborn pamper is about the size of my smart phone!

Phone vs Pamper

I’ve been able to do SO much clean up in the house to get ready, although I still haven’t built up the strength to go into the Cave of Aspie-ness which is the boys room. it took me 3 days to clean out the baby’s room! (remember the a/c hasn’t been working up there all summer so it’s been throw it upstairs and I’ll deal with it later all summer).  The a/c STILL is not working but now at least once I go through the Aspie Cave with a blow torch and a light saber, I can get to the point where I can call someone to take a look at the a/c unit without being MORTIFIED about the state of the house.  I’ve been doing laundry for about a week and am finally at the end of the tunnel in that battle. I fixed the shower in the upstairs bathroom so the boys don’t have to use ours downstairs anymore (go me!) and I went  through the dark vortex which is our laundry room and you can actually walk in there again! I went through the linen closet and still have a large bin of crap to go through and decide what’s staying and what’s going to the laundry room …and I still have to go through my closet and drawers and throw about 80% of my crap away. Also MAJOR victory the Thomas the Train bed is GONE from my living room! I was finally able to get it upstairs and Tot’s asleep in it now! Let’s hope he lasts the whole night up there!

Luckily the boys all love their new brother, especially Tantrum Tot. However, we’ve hit a snag. (You just KNEW that was coming didn’t  you guys?) Tantrum Tot has become increasingly more and more difficult. His meltdowns are coming more frequently and he starts screaming and fighting me and his mother and brothers for the slightest provocations. He gets mad and starts throwing things around (with uncanny accuracy and strength for a 2 year old), and he’s been physically attacking us while screaming at the top of his lungs. The other day after picking him up from day care, we went through the drive through pharmacy (those are COOL, they don’t have those in NYC), and next thing I knew I was hit in the side of the head with his toy phone! He knocked my blue tooth device smack off my head! My wife of course busted out laughing even while in shock…thank GOD I wasn’t actually driving at the time!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

The frequency and the intensity of these episodes is VERY concerning for us ESPECIALLY with an infant in the house. It’s been emotionally draining for both me and his mother. The boys don’t/can’t understand what is going on. A trusted Psychologist we know told us to physically restrain him during the more violent outbursts while verbally trying to soothe him. I had to do that the other night and it left him in tears being comforted by his mother and me near tears because I HATED to have to do that to him, but he was really getting out of control and his new brother was in the room and we had to act immediately to ensure Aspie Baby wasn’t hurt.

Today we had to take the Tot with us to Walmart to go grocery shopping since we don’t have a sitter anymore. We HAD to go to Walmart even though we both can’t stand that place…because it’s the only place where they have electric scooter/chairs my wife can use due to her pelvic issues. While he was well behaved for him, he still had a few tantrums (not meltdowns) and caused some more of the hair on my head to go gray. When we got home, even more meltdowns and another violent episode. I gotta tell you I’m getting very very concerned about this. They seem to be increasing and my emotional ability to process them is decreasing. If any of you could steer me towards any good articles on dealing with this I’d really appreciate it!

Anyway I’m going to go try and lay down in between feedings. I can’t wait till this one’s schedule is right!

My wife, who is an Aspie cannot take meds that are supposed to put her to sleep. Instead of going too sleep and staying asleep she regains consciousness and jumps up in a panicked state.

Meds that would put me out for hours (and have) , merely induce a mild state of relaxation in her followed swiftly by the onset of panic.

During dental procedures the novacaine fades almost immediately after her being injected.  Which causes no end of trouble.

I am wondering if any of you have similar experiences when taking such meds?

Our theory is that people with ASD metabolize these chemicals differently.

Please share your experiences with us?

The day is done. It was a doozy. I’m going to start at the beginning to help me organize things. I’m still in a state of shock I think. Please bear with me, this my ramble a bit…

The Background

Since I’ve gotten a lot of new followers recently (thank you very much for that BTW), I’ll give a brief back story here…

I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world. Two years ago, we discovered that she had Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), which is a high functioning form of Autism. This diagnosis changed our lives and the way we saw things. It explained SO much of things that were going on with her that we had no explanation for. We have 3 boys, ages 14, 9, and 2 and she is due to give birth in September to our fourth and final boy.

Since her diagnosis, we have come to suspect that our boys also are somewhere on the Autism Spectrum, also high functioning. We’ve been having a hell of a time to find people where we live who will diagnose our children. The psychologist who diagnosed my wife has seen my kids when she’s had to bring them to her appointments and he’s confirmed that while he does not diagnose children, from what he sees, they are most likely on the spectrum as well.

Back in November, we took the youngest, lovingly referred to as Tantrum Tot and/or Tommaggedon, to a speech therapist at the referral of his primary physician. He was diagnosed with Severe Repetative Expressive Speech Delay. At the time he was barely 2 years old and they rated him at 11 months along in his development. This strengthened our belief that he was on the spectrum, and the person who diagnosed him, said she suspected Autism as well. His pediatrician referred us to a place in Charleston, SC, which is three hours away from us, for Autism screening. His words were “to confirm what he strongly suspects”, which was that our youngest son had some form of Autism.

The Trip

Today, we finally after much waiting (9 months of waiting) had the appointment.  I woke up at 4:30 in the morning today, after only having 16 hours of combined sleep for the week, got dressed, woke up my very pregnant wife, made my cappuccino and her coffee to go, went to pick up her mother and her boyfriend to stay with my other 2 boys, got the Tot dressed and in the van (he woke up and STAYED up) and we were on our way. Our appointment was at 8:45 a.m.

First, I got on I-95 South and missed the sign that said go THIS way to STAY on I-95 South. (I drive on i-95 NORTH everyday). I was on I-20 for about 15-20 minutes before my wife realized it and now we had to turn around and head back. Luckily there wasn’t much traffic at that time of the morning and I was able to MOVE IT MOVE IT.

(Oh yeah this was the first time we’ve taken the new van on an extended trip, which we were worried about since we’ve had problems with that model before. Click here to see the full post on that).

Along the way the wife gets hungry, (being 8 months pregnant does that to a person I guess), so we pull off the highway, and the wife sees a Subways sign…she now wants Subway’s…no argument allowed. We of course can’t find it. We’re losing time…the van starts doing something funny which made my blood run cold, my nerves are shot, so I pull a U turn at a busy intersection and when I do, I’m staring the stupid Subway’s in the face. We pull over, she runs in cause Tot fell asleep again right before we got there and I opted to stay in the van.

Now we’re behind schedule. Again, I’m moving it moving it. According to Tom Tom we’re still going to make it. Tot woke up again and is yelling in the back seat cause the sun is in his eyes, and we don’t have any Tot sized sunglasses with us. I valiantly give him mine, (my LAST pair which are polarized and I LOVE them, because I’m part color blind and when I put on dark shades, the world “washes out”, but these actually brighten things for me). He bends the crap out of them, but won’t wear them. We manage to find a long patch of shade and stay in it. He calms down. We’re still making it…we pull into the general area right on time.

The Visit

We find the building, and pull into the parking garage which apparently is attached to the medical center. However, it was a smack dab in the middle of this HUGE a$$ medical center and no one we asked knew where this particular office was. We had been trying to call them for the past 20 minutes prior to our arrival, to let them know how close we were. Because I swear to GOD if we got there a little late after 3 hours on the road and they tell us we’re not going to be seen there is going to be some CARNAGE going on! However, the number listed on the letter they sent us not only not picking up, it’s not connecting us at all!!!

So by the time we find the correct building, get upstairs and hit the receptionist area we are about 15-20 minutes late. Keep in mind this appointment was for a screening that would be FIVE hours long. I’m anxious and doing my Jedi/Samurai breathing techniques because I KNOW it’s coming…and sure enough the receptionist starts asking us questions followed by “Oh no, I don’t know if they’re going to see you now, you’re late”…I took my final deep breath, walked over and started to speak, but my wife was already giving her the run down!  “Look, we’ve been on the road for THREE hours, we tried calling, and your phones aren’t picking up, and it took us NINE MONTHS to get this appointment. We are NOT leaving here without being seen!” And through it all, she was very nice and calm about it too! GO HONEY!!! SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

Well we wind up being seen…Tot is behaving. We are in the first screening room, where they have a bunch of toys for the kids to play with. We’re being interviewed by three people, one a PhD and one doing her internship, and the other developmental pediatrician as well. Tot is behaving like a prince. He’s smiling, laughing, hugging….HUGGING! He ran into a few rough patches when he didn’t get his way, threw a little mini tantrum, not a meltdown, all while we’re being asked some very thorough questions by the person who is engaging Tot the whole time.

Now I must say this. I’ve been in doctors offices where the people treat you and your kids like they can’t wait till you leave so they can process your insurance forms. The exam, the visit, it’s only a formality on the way to their getting paid.  But these people were very kind, very compassionate and very very good communicators. They asked us questions, listened, asked for clarification, and didn’t utter a word of contradiction or try to shoot anything we said down.

They take him into another room with toys, ask us to please not interfere if we can help it. And begin to play with him and observe him. His interactions, what he does when he can’t get his way, how he plays, how he’s communicating with them.  After a while they let us take a 30 minute break for lunch with Tot in the cafe downstairs. (That experience could be a whole other blog post).

We come back up and they sit us down and lay it on us. Tantrum Tot does NOT display Autism. His social interactions are too involved to even consider it. Yes he has speech delay, but even that is being progressed rapidly since his introduction to day care. (Next week he starts going full time BTW). He looks them in the eye. He points to specific objects and clearly indicated he wanted more. He brought things to us to see, he brought them to them to see and show them what he had.

According to the scoring they did, on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest and showing how severely he displayed Autism. He scored a 1. They said the difficulties they showed him manifest were most likely behavioral and could be corrected with appropriate intervention.

They were very considerate. They were not the least bit judgmental and never indicated his behavioral issues were the result of bad parenting. They gave us documentation on a program in our area which could continue to monitor Tot and possibly get us services based on the Speech Delay. Again, the quality of what they did and how they did it, were honestly the most humane experience I’ve had in this 8th yearr of being in SC.

We packed up the Tot, got the Tot and headed home.

Tot on Table


Today Tantrum Tot refused to go to day care. This was surprising to his mother because he has reached the point where he will not only happily walk into the daycare on his own, but  will also turn around and wave to you after you walk back to the door! (Unless of course it’s me dropping him off, then he screams bloody murder).

Also,when we pick him up at the end of the day, he no longer bursts into tears, but rather will run to us, hug us, go get his bag and wave goodbye to every one!

Today,after being dropped off at  his grandmother’s house for an hour, wifey picked him up, brought him home and reported that he was so well behaved all day she couldn’t believe it.

When I walked in after work, he jumped off the couch and yelled DADDY!!!! This of course made my day. Since coming home he has been very mellow and surprisingly compliant. He sat at the table with his mother and I and devoured some chicken…then while his mother, brother and I were watching Big Bang Theory, he sat in the middle of the floor with his toys and quietly played for almost two hours!!!

That is when I took the pic that’s on the top of this page I wish I was able to get a pic of when he was hugging his little robot to his chest.

He is now laying down on my side of our bed watching Thomas the Train (what a Good awful boring show), on Netflix, hopefully on his way to Pillow. Street and Quilt Avenue.

His behavior is slightly reminiscent of that old movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I think I’ll check under the beds for pods or something!

This weekend wasn’t as bad as some others. We have definately had worse in this house.

Tantrum Tot, though not at his worst, had some pretty Tantrum-y stages, but on the whole he was good for him. More than once this weekend my wife and I yet again pondered how a child could be so adorable yet so evil at the same time.

He can snuggle and make the most adorable noises, and you can tell that he is communicating…and if I only understand baby-ese I could learn the secrets of the universe. And then jump up and wreak havoc and misery on a household scale and then just as suddenly revert back to adorable.

Aspie Monkey Boy has been enjoying his summer days, full of freedom and hanging out with the girls next door or his friend from down the row of townhouses we live in. However, when those children are not around or can’t play or he can’t go over there, he goes into agitated, melt down mode, arguing, complaining, slamming doors, stomping feet, and ultimately being threatened with bodily harm by yours truly after failed attempts to reason with him. But first thing in the mornings, before anything has gone wrong, he’ll climb into bed and demand snuggles..and curl up with you and bury his head in your chest and make you wish that moment could go on forever.

Aspie Teen is doing his best moody teenager impersonation lately. Rarely venturing from the cave of Aspie-ness which is his room. Coming out to eat, drink, drop a few announcements, and try to cajole a new video game from us. Then retreat back upstairs to the relative sanctity (and messiness) which is his room.

Friday night, my wife posted this blog from the kids. Note the entry from Aspie Teen. Then late Friday night, Aspie Monkey Boy gives me the card below that he made for me.


Father’s Day started out pretty routine. I was in bed…Tantrum Tot woke up at his usual 7:30 a.m. time frame..(that kid, no matter what time he goes to bed, will NOT stay in bed past that time). I got up, gave him a bottle, changed his pamper and settled him in front of the TV and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. made my cappuccino, and 3 slices of raisin toast with cream cheese, sat in the armchair and tried to continue reading the Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan which I recently started re-reading on my beloved Kindle Fire.

Half a mug and 5 pages later, my peace has been declared over by the reigning monarch in the pamper. I have to push him around the house in the car that my wife bought him (against my vehement objections I might add). Then I have to push a toy car to and fro with him, which all things considered was pretty cool because it kept him quiet and I got to lay down for a bit while doing it.

Then Aspie Monkey Boy came out the room and pandemonium broke loose. These two youngsters have an official yet undeclared rivalry going on. When one is around the other the contest of wills begins for who is going to be the dominant one vying for the attention of whichever parental unit is present.

Still I managed to keep an atmosphere of controlled chaos, on a quiet scale going. Wifey was still asleep after all. She came out after a while asking if the magic button had any magic in it, which is code for did you set up my coffee maker yet?  I assured her there was magic at the ready and she proceeded to make her coffee. Well she sat down for about 5 minutes when Monkey Boy insisted it was time for gifts!

So she got the gifts from Monkey Boy and Tommy and Aspie Fetus that she had taken them to get. Now Aspie Dad LOVES gifts, so of course he was happy! LOL

They got me a very nice shirt and tie (for work) a bank jar with a built in counter to keep the mountains of loose change I keep scattered on the top of the the dressers in my room, honey’s not so subtle way of saying get rid of it. Then Aspie Teen made his morning appearance and of course he had to have the prerequisite amount of drama before giving me my gift, which was a a very nice silver ID bracelet.

Well wifey of course has a day planned because she refuses to let any of our holidays slink into the halls of obscurity without an attempt to make them more memorable for us. Of course money is tight, the budget is ridiculously lacking but she can plan with the best  of them, so we get a bucket of KFC, and off to the park we go.

We are in luck, since it’s so bloody hot outside, practically no one else is there so Tantrum Tot can run amok enjoying himself on the playground. I was able to toss the frisbee around with the boys for a while while wifey sat on the picnic table I had dragged to a shaded spot under some trees in front of the playground where she could keep watch on the Tot as he climbed all around the playground.

Aspie Teen kept trying to keep his angry bird impersonation going but each time he say how his little brother and I were having fun, kept coming back to play, which his mom and I found quite amusing.

Well after being DRENCHED in sweat, Tantrum Tot demanded I take him to the swings. While I was trying to swing him a young girl came down and asked if I minded if she took some pics of us. She apparently was from the local paper and she was sent out in the middle of a 90 degree Sunday to get some pictures of Father’s playing with their kids! (I haven’t checked the paper yet to see if I made it).

Well we were going to go out to the pool when we got back, but wifey was wilted from the heat and had to lay down and Tantrum Tot passed out and before I knew it Aspie Teen was waking me up 2 hours later saying YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TAKE US TO THE POOL!

All in all it was a pretty mild weekend which for use in this house translates into being a very good weekend. We had the usual fights, and misunderstandings. The required melt downs and tantrums. The obligatory threatening of the lives and physical well being by yours truly, and the inevitable making up and lounging in front of the TV which is the most useful behavior modifying tool in our house as long as the channel isn’t changed from the Disney Channel.

Today I am off from work and have an appointment with wifey and have to try to find a mechanic who will look at the van today. Oh joy!

I’m pretty sure that I’ve shared before that Tantrum Tot has been diagnosed (so far) with Severe Repetitive Expressive Speech Delay. He’s two and his vocabulary is almost non-existent. They aged his language skills at approximately 11 months.

However, since he has started attending day-care part time, I have to say we have seen what a marked improvement in his speech and his behavior.

The other day I forget what we were doing, and he said clearly said “I’m stuck Daddy!”  And of course he’s been saying other things like “I poop !” , “More” ,  “Ba Ba”,  “Coo-key”, and “I eat!” when he’s hungry.

This may not seem like a lot to you but to me and my wife that particular “I stuck Daddy” it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.  He knew what he wanted to communicate and he did it clearly!

Also, on the days he goes to day care (3 days a week) he comes home happy and playful and between the hours of 7:00 pm and 9:00 pm, he will ask for his “ba”, grab his pillow pet (the big soft fluffy purple one), and his blanket, lays down on the sofa  rolls over and goes to sleep on his own.

I know this may seem trivial to some of you, but for us, who used to have to drive him around at all hours of the night till he passed out, this is progress. Also, it’s so encouraging that he is learning, and growing and developing…I just had to share how very proud of him I am.

Tommy in Shades

The kid who knows who Stanley Kubrick is: Dreaming Big.

I was reading blogs, trying to find other blogs on Autism etc. to follow when I came across this. This post challenged me…and I’m afraid to say…shamed me.

A few weeks ago, Aspie Teen came to me begging to look into some websites and programs he could download so he could create anime based music videos. Unfortunately, he started asking when Aspie Baby was in full havoc wreaking mode,  Aspie Mom was in full  I’ve had enough mode, Aspie Monkey Boy was in full swing from the chandelier mode and I was in full Dear God I’m going to hurt someone mode…so I told him I’d do it later. Now Aspie Teen is the type that later means ask every 5 minutes until you do it. (A trait I’m positive he inherits from his mother).

I completely shut him down. I looked at the system requirements, and what would be involved. Unfortunately at this time my wife’s computer was the only one who could handle it and no way is Aspie Teen using moms computer to do this, as all Aspie Teen seems to need is four seconds with a pc until 4000 viruses are downloaded. One of his prevelant special interests is anime. Which isn’t so much of a problem once you’ve limited what sites he can go to watch them and strictly lay down ground rules for what is appropriate since there are some sick perverted anime’s out there! Luckily Aspie Teen is very trustworthy and obedient if not exasperating.

I told him that we couldn’t do it, that we couldn’t risk the damage to mom’s pc which is where she does her school work, blogging and writing from. I explained the system requirements and that source videos for him to use would open up her pc to risk of infection by viruses and hackers. His answer was simple. Buy him his own pc to work from. One big enough and with strong enough firewalls enabled to allow him to proceed unhindered. Great…my kid thinks I’m made out of money.

This was the absolute wrong answer he could have given at that time. Money in our house is always tight. This was shortly after Christmas too which meant I was REALLY behind the ball at the moment. His answer was a good solution, just not a practical one. Unfortunately, he could not understand the money issue, nor was I in a very patient mode to explain it. Nor do I like explaining this issue to my kids. For me, not having the money to meet my family’s needs is a personal failure. As such, I don’t like having to talk about it, let alone explain it.  Now we do ok…we are no where near as poor as I was growing up. The rest of my brothers and sisters think I’m rich (which I asssure you is not the case), because I own a home and two cars. My kids have toys and tech…food in the house (which could be a blog all by itself). But rich we are not.

At any rate, he persisted to the point where I shut him down cold. Enough. Dad said no. Sorry but that’s it. (paraphrased). I saw the light in his eye dim, his head hang low and his shoulders slump as he walked away. Never to mention it again. I failed. Big time. Was my reasoning sound…yes…was my my stance justified…completely…was I the best communicator and messenger in this instance. Big Fat No. I destroyed his enthusiasm and probably his faith in me to meet his needs. I felt about 2 inches tall and wished someone could step on me and end my guilt and misery.

So when I read this blog, I was shamed. Inspired to do better, but shamed. I applaud this mom’s ability to encourage her son. I hope to one day be able to do as good as she did. So I encourage all you NT’s out there with kids/wifes etc. on the spectrum. Hold your tongue. Take a deep breath. Hug them….and then calmly give your answer. Get outside your comfort zone and forget you ever heard the phrase “because I said so”. Be firm…but remember the possible damage you can do with a word. Good luck.

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