So Proud of the Tot!

After a miserable day yesterday that left his mother in tears by the end of it,  the Tot seemed determined make up for it today,  because he’s been so well behaved that I’m wondering what they put in his sippy cup at school today and where can I get a hold of some of that stuff myself!

He’s been happy,  he’s asked for help,  he’s listened,  he took a bath AND he went potty all by himself with no prompting for the very first time today!!!

He’s been walking around without a pamper/pull up all evening,  (which made me very nervous I’m not ashamed to say), and then he just gets up and walks to the bathroom,  climbs up on the porcelain throne,  and lets go!

Some of you may be like what’s the big deal,  but some of you know what a VERY big deal it is when your special needs kid does something like this because you never thought you’d see the day come when they did it!

Most nights, he climbs into my bed and holds my wife hostage for 4-6 hours before he passes out. Tonight, he let me bring him to bed and lay down next to me and passed out in 45 minutes.

I don’t know what the change is but I pray to God to please let it last at least a few days!

 

Tot at the playground-he looked so happy I thought it would be the perfect pic to go with this post.

The Incredible-ness that is Monkey Boy!

Today was a long day for all of us starting with a 10:30 a.m. baseball game for Monkey Boy, then going to stores with Monkey Boy, Tantrum Tot and the Chunky Monkey in tow….woo hoo…THAT was FUN…

Anyway we go home after the stores and continue our floor project. We have the foyer, living room and dining room done (except for the trim and baseboards, and half the kitchen. Well today was the first day for the pool in our subdivision to open and Mr. I’m a fish Monkey Boy has been pestering us for the past 2 weeks to go when it opens. We let Aspie Teen take Monkey Boy to the pool, as he’s had a LOT of practice in that area from all the trips we’ve taken to hotels with pools, and lazy rivers…Aspie Teen does a really good job and Monkey Boy is a VERY strong swimmer. Also the pool  is literally a straight shot to our house and if you sprint it’s less than a minute away.

Well apparently Aspie Teen’s friends two brothers came by and went to the pool with them. A few hours later Monkey Boy and the Teen come in no problem, go change and life goes on…

Well when Monkey Boy was trying to fall asleep, he said “What’s the use I’m probably just going to have nightmares anyway.” Now I know Monkey Boy has had Night Terrors before so I ask him how long has he been having nightmares, and he was very evasive. My wife comes in from dropping the Monster In Law off at her house and he told us that Aspie’s Teen friend’s brother who was at the pool with them almost drowned in the deep end and Monkey Boy jumped in and SAVED HIM!!!!

Monkey Boy saved a human life…no thought, no doubts…saw the situation at hand jumped in and handled it!!! Words cannot describe how AMAZED AND PROUD OF THIS KID I AM!! And just when you thought you couldn’t feel any better about your kid, he goes on to say that he just keeps worrying about what would have happened if he wasn’t there…that the boy could’ve drowned…he’s feeling bad because he couldn’t stop it from happening so the other boy wouldn’t have had to experience what he did and probably have nightmares himself.

I have the MOST AMAZING ten year old in the world!!! Not only did he SAVE A LIFE at ten years old, but he gave me a perfectly good reason to do a cyber flip-off to all the idiots in the world who insist on thinking that people/kids on the spectrum are LESS or that they cannot do as well as NT’s in any given area…well guess what? My kid saved a life without hesitation or discussion…what did yours do? NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH!!! (I’m sorry, that was a little immature wasn’t it?)

Three cheers for Monkey Boy! The greatest 10 year old on the planet!

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Monkey Boy plays baseball now.  He’s on a team sponsored by a local church.  He loves being active and social.  This is NOT the kid I’m worried about having social hang ups… (at least not yet anyway).

I usually take him and the Tot,  and sometimes Chunky Monkey to his practices during the week in order to give their mom a much needed break from the insanity which governs her life.

Well his games are every Saturday,  usually at 9 a.m. ( sadistic bastards making us get up that early on a Saturday) and like everything else in our lives,  these games create their fair share of chaos.

The stress of getting ready for these events,  and getting the clan out the door is usually enough to create strong desires for vats of wine in my wife and incredibly strong urges to break things in me accompanied by the overwhelming urge to eat (I comfort eat,  sue me).

When we actually get to the game,  I usually don’t see much of it due to the need to take the Tot for walks or over to the playground to keep him calm and happy.

Today after going through hell to get everyone out of the house,  (which apparently is my fault for taking too much time for myself this morning before walking everyone up to get ready), we got to the game and the Tot was doing so well!!! He was happy, and he was even standing at the fence next to the dug out and cheering for his brother! The Chunky Monkey was loving being outside in the sun and was sitting straight up in his stroller taking in all the sights…

 

Chunky Monkey at the game

 

Chunky Monkey was passed out when I got back from the playground!

Well one of the mother’s in the stands behind him had a REALLY penetrating sort of voice and every time she rooted for one of the kids, both my wife and the Tot physically jumped. After a few times of this happening, the Tot started flapping his hands and leaning from side to side. My wife spotted the signs in time and I was  able to take him to the playground before the meltdown started. The poor kid was doing so good too…I’m starting to wonder if he might have SPD and we haven’t caught it yet…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And poor Monkey Boy, struck out every time he was at bat today which is really weird cause usually he hits like a rock star…but by the end of the game, after having struck out and their team lost the game, he was in a bad mood which means he had to be separated from Tantrum Tot for a while till he worked his way through it, since he came off the field like “Great! Now my dreams are ruined!” Cause he was hoping that his team went undefeated through the season…he looked like a little storm cloud stalking off the field!

 

Just a typical day for the Aspie Family!

 

Happy Birthday Monkey Boy!!!!

MB turned 10 today!  I made him toast with jelly for breakfast,  and I told him Happy Birthday bud,  and he goes Double digits baby,  I’m a man!  To which I replied,  Great! Now go get a job!  To which he replied,  A job? ! Ppph! Yeah like that’s going to happen! !!!
LMAO!

Happy birthday kiddo!

Life is SOOO Not Funny Sometimes!

Yesterday started out good,  went sideways really quick,  started turning around again,  ran into today,  and I’m not liking where it’s heading so far today.

If you read my last post,  yesterday started out being a good day.  Then we actually had to leave the house with Tantrum Tot and the day went to crap.

I’m sorry,  I love the Tot to death, but quite honestly he is not ready to be out in public for extended periods yet.  Despite the vast increase in his vocabulary,  and the marked improvement overall that IS visible since he started 3K in the new autism school, he still has violent meltdowns at the flip of a switch for mininal provocations.

He went from happily running around the store and hiding in the fridges (see pic),

To him running up front trying to leave the store,  and me chasing him. Attempts at redirects failed miserably.  The end result was my parking a fully loaded grocery cart, picking him up and strapping a violently melting down Tot into the minivan,  driving home and picking up a very indignant Aspie Teen to come help with the Tot. (Who of course calmed down right after we got back and then Chunky started in). Grrrrrr!

When we got home,  and we were trying to put stuff away,  he continued with the meltdown,  even threw a cup of chocolate milk in the kitchen.  By this time my patience was completely done. Public meltdowns really get to me.  I can’t help it.  I feel like everyone is looking at me and wondering why I can’t control my kid.  I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs “He’s autistic ok? !”  Which makes me feel like crap and send my frustration levels through the roof, so by the time I got home I lost it,  and unfortunately even yelled at my wife,  who luckily didn’t kill me on the spot. (She SO deserves better than me).

Both the Tot and Chunky passed out at 6:30 p.m. due to all the screaming wearing them out. So since we knew we were now officially screwed, we did what any other set of special needs parents do when faced with a similar situation,  we started installing laminate floor in kitchen!

We were up till midnight doing the floor,  didn’t get too far,  and by 12:30 a.m. I was unconscious.  But the Tot and Chunky were still awake with their mom.  I have no idea what time they passed out.  I feel horrible about leaving her up alone like that,  but I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore.

This morning I am in incredible pain in my legs and back (I’m old,  sue me,  my 21 year old body has been replaced with a dysfunctional model) Chunky behaved so well,  this morning

 

and he went down for a nap so I pulled another box of flooring down,  figuring I could do some while wifey was sleeping and the second I get the box down,  the Tot comes out!  SO not funny!

Banging Our Heads Against a Stone Wall

That stone wall would be the South Carolina Public School System District One. Today we went for our first IEP meeting with Monkey Boy’s school. And yes FINALLY Monkey Boy has an official diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism Spectrum Disorder!!! (Insert cheer!)

Now first let me just say that the district people themselves have been very helpful. They gave him one of the most comprehensive evaluations I’ve ever seen, sending 3 people out independently to observe him in his classroom setting without telling him who they were and why they were there. They met with me, my wife, they recorded everything we said as evidenced in the summaries they provided us.

The DISTRICT people were very sympathetic and helpful. The autism specialist and the district psychologist were WONDERFUL….the SCHOOL staff…especially the principal, let’s just say I had to put my hand on my wife several times to make sure she didn’t attack them. Several times people at that table almost got an award winning book thrown at their heads!! (Let me say that the Occupational Therapist and the Resource Teacher were very sympathetic and really seemed interested in helping Monkey Boy, it was the two higher up representatives which were completely dead set against us).

The gist of it is that Monkey Boy is struggling in areas of organization, completing tasks, and the largest battle…he can’t seem to bring his daily agenda and homework sheets home on a regular basis, and when he does and we sign the damn things, he loses them or leaves them home or we the parents forgot to sign something and they (the school/his two teachers) take away his recess and ice cream privledges as punishment.

Instead he has to sit inside and complete missing homework, even if he did it, brought it in and the only thing missing is our signature! This has happened often enough that they have destroyed his desire to go to school. The kid comes comes home, flings his book bag across the room and screams in frustration EVERY DAY!!! Which of course prompts my wife to email/call me at work about it, which completely destroys any hope of me getting anything done.

Today, we went armed with a 7 page document of possible accommodations to discuss with them. They however wanted to only implement the things they wanted to implement. They adamantly refused to even consider removing the taking away of recess as a punishment. Saying, “Well we have to teach every child the same and we don’t want him using his disability as a  crutch, and contribute to creating uselessness/helplessness in him. He has to be accountable the same as every other child.”

Which of course beggars the question “WHY THE F*** WERE WE THERE FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAY? Isn’t the whole purpose of the IEP that measures be put into place because he CAN’T function like everyone else? They insisted that his organizational skills can be improved on, without addressing WHY he has organizational challenges…basically they don’t want to acknowledge that his disability is DISABLING….and the source of his disorganization!

They all want to say that we understand he has Asperger’s…but don’t want to acknowledge that his difficulties are stemming from it.  Most likely because then they’ll have to actually do something about it. They did put some things in action which give me hope for some measure of success, but they barely touched the tip of the iceberg. Needless to say that  my wife will begin the research for an advocate tomorrow.

They don’t know the fight they just started. I only hope we can survive long enough to win it. We are also looking at  putting Monkey Boy into a school which actually has an autism/Asperger’s class in it. We are reluctant to pull him out in the middle of the school year, but we may end up having to.

A Christmas Miracle Yesterday

As you all know I HATE going to the mall with Tantrum Tot. Not for any other reason except that the screaming, hitting, clawing and assaulting he does when he can’t have his way is difficult to go through in public. It’s bad enough that it has to be endured, and it does, I get that, I do….but it’s difficult to have to endure it in public. That’s the simple truth of it.

Well yesterday, because we have no viable babysitters who can handle Tantrum Tot, we had to load him, Aspie Teen, Aspie Teen’s new friend (I forgot to blog about that but I will soon I promise), and my 15 year old niece in the van along with wifey, and head to the mall to finish some shopping.

Well it went pretty damn well for the most part!! First we went to get the Tot a MUCH needed haircut…he actually endured most of it pretty well but wouldn’t let the girl finish his bangs and I had to hold his head straight to let her get as much as she got done, done and then calm him down afterwards…with the judicious use of lollipop bribes….that being done, we headed into the actual mall and of course the first stop was the American Train Company ride so he could get his train addiction satisfied.

Tot B4 haircut

 

Tot After Haircut

Tantrum Tot has developed a weird fascination (Special Interest?) in trains. And it’s not just Thomas the Train anymore…any train will do!!! He’s is to the point where he now where he watches YouTube videos of kids playing with train sets!!! (As well as other toys in general). He is actually watching videos of kids playing with toys!!! Well we got him to the train ride and he waited SO patiently for the train to come around and let the kids out…about 15 minutes…and he sat still in the carriage waiting so well..this is virtually unheard of for the Tot!!!

Tot in the Train

Well he got on the ride and did his minimum 2 rides around.  Then we head over to Barnes & Nobles so that Tot can play with the trains. I had Tot and Chunk A Monk with me, while wifey took my niece shopping and Aspie Teen and his new friend just went to hang. Well I gotta tell you, no lie, we were in B&N playing for at least 5 hours!!!  And the whole time Tantrum Tot had NOT ONE tantrum or meltdown!!! He played on the Thomas the Train table, then at one point he wanted to go to the other side of the kids section, and he spent 20 minutes running from one side to the other…then went back to the table for the rest of the night…

Chunk A Monk behaved like an angel too!! At one point I took him out fo the stroller/car seat and layed him on his changing mat in the corner and gave him some back time…he ate 3 times, I changed his pamper and he took 2 naps. He was awake the whole time, just gooing and gah-ing being happy and flirting with anyone who would look at him!! My wife didn’t come get us till 9:30 and that is when he happy place dissolved of course…

I gotta tell you Tot didn’t flip out till he realized we were leaving the mall and then he flipped out so bad it’s a wonder a cop didn’t tackle me while I was trying to get him out of the store and then strapping him down in the car seat in the parking lot. He threw a fit of EPIC proportions and I swear it must have looked like I was trying to kidnap a kid (if not for the fact that he looks JUST like me! LOL) AND he stopped very soon…and after we got home he went RIGHT TO SLEEP!!!!

This is my Christmas Miracle story. In about 30 minutes we have to take him to Wal-Mart and I’m praying for a repeat of the same.

Straight From the Heart

I’ve been doing some light research on autism etc. for various reasons and I came across something that disturbs me. There are so many people being told their children and themselves as well will never be able to exist on their own, to live their own lives, to love someone or be loved by someone. That they and their children, their loved ones are doomed to a life of perpetual supervision and loneliness.

It makes me ask one question among the hundreds that flit through my ADD brain…ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

PLEASE stop pushing this garbage on people, and children especially!!!

My wife grew up without ever being diagnosed. She is high functioning, and struggles in so many areas. And she struggled without ever knowing she was autistic. Along the way, she had too many bad experiences to count but she developed into an intelligent, driven young lady, who despite all the challenges she faced persevered and is still fighting today!

She was living on her own at age 14 and raising her 3 brothers in lieu of parents who were there but didn’t make any of their kids a priority. She worked several jobs at once, maintaining a place to live that her brothers could come stay at whenever they wanted. She went to school, she went to church, she dated, got hurt, dated again, got fired from jobs, quit others, but always came back.

If anyone reading this has ever been told they have no hope of ever being loved or loving someone let me tell you right now that is LIE!!!

I didn’t know my wife had autism till we had been married for around 10 years. There was plenty about her that I could not explain, but you know what? Because I loved her I let them go and kept at it. Our marriage was ROUGH the first 10 years. Mostly due to my immaturity and stupidity, but dealing with the issues which arose because of her autism (though we didn’t know it was autism) was not easy on either of us.

But I have to say this, without my wife’s devotion to family, her drive to make our marriage work, and her ability to forgive, I would not be the man I am today. I most likely would not even be around to type these words, I would have given up on myself and ended my pain, but SHE gave me reason to hope, reason to change. She inspired me, she showed me how to truly love someone and how beautiful love could be. My children, and myself are so lucky to have her, autism and all. Her autism doesn’t make her less…it makes her more…more than I am …more than anyone else I know.

So keep the faith. There is hope for you. You are not doomed. You can and will lead a full satisfying life. There may be some limitations you might have to adjust to, but just don’t give up.

My wife put her heart and soul into our marriage. She put her heart and soul into her book. And though she’s stuck with  a husband like me, tonight at least she was honored for her hard work and dedication on one front. Tonight was the Awards ceremony for the Reader’s Favorite Book Awards, which she took second place in her category.

I am so proud of her. She deserves recognition for so much more than this but at least she is being recognized for her work on this book.

Congratulations Jeannie. I love you and I am so very proud of you.

And The Madness Begins

I gave Tantrum Tot a stuffed Snoopy doll this week to snuggle in place of his mommy who’s gone on a trip. Well Monkey Boy has a stuffed animal too though he hasn’t really used it in a while, but it was down in my room on the dresser.

Well as I’m sitting FINALLY trying to have my coffee…the yelling from my room starts…Tantrum Tot wants Monkey Boys stuffy. Monkey Boy will NOT relinquish it. He cannot understand or learn (and believe me I’ve tried to teach him numerous times), just give the item to Tot who will lose interest in it in 5 minutes, and walk away from it, then he can go get it again. No instead, Monkey Boy’s screaming cause Tot now has him by the hair in one hand, and nails dug into his chin with the other!!!

It’s not even 8 a.m. yet. Is it too early to put Baileys in my coffee? It’s got to be happy hour SOMEWHERE on this planet right?

Congratulations to My Wonderful Aspie Wife!!!

As you may know my wife decided to write a memoir about her growing up with undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. If you’ve visited my blog you’ve seen the picture of the book on the right hand side. It looks like this…

2013 Readers Favorite International Book Awards Silver Book Award

Well some interesting tidbits for you who are interested is that this is my wife’s first published book . (OK so it’s self-published so what?), and she not only wrote it, but she designed the book cover completely on her own, (I had some slight input), and she then formatted it for e-readers all by herself as well. We did hire an editor (any one who is writing a book needs one),

Now for the good part, (yes it does get better), we entered her memoir in a book contest, and she WON! She came in 2nd place in an international book contest!! The name is the 2013 Reader’s Favorites International Book Awards!!!

I am SO proud of her!!! AND she is taking Aspie Teen with her to the awards ceremony in MIAMI FLORIDA later this month. I wanted to go, but with the time I took off from work for the birth of the baby (who is a humungous chunk by now BTW), and the trip to NYC to bury her father, I don’t have the time on the books at work to take off. PLUS taking Tantrum Tot and the baby and Monkey Boy and Aspie Teen to FL right now is just too much….

To be honest, she is kind of freaking out about going without me. And I’m very nervous about not being there for her as well, but I insisted that she go. She doesn’t get nearly enough accolades for doing the job she does raising the boys, saving their lives when the communication differences between me and them flare up, maintaining a blog, being the Autism expert on Answers.com  and writing her articles, and having the gift she does to learn…she truly is an amazing woman and now finally she has an opportunity to stand up and be recognized for all she does.

So thank any of you who have bought the book, or read the book. And if you haven’t left a review on Amazon, would you please do so? And if you haven’t bought it, go ahead, Christmas is coming…treat yourself and splurge on the e-book! It’s only $3.99…and if you have an Amazon Prime account, you can borrow it for free!

And would you please go to our Facebook page and add/like us? You guys are the best!