Archive for September, 2013


We Must Be Crazy

Being parents of special needs children is never easy for anyone, be the kids high functioning or low functioning, ASD kids, SPD kids, ODD kids…its all extremely challenging for the parents as well as the kids.

Today was my first day back at work after 3 weeks at home helping my wife before and after the birth of our newest son.

It seemed to go ok…I woke up after having nowhere near enough sleep and my wife (God bless her soul) getting even less than me. I barely made the van pool to go to work. Spent all day trying to close out the fiscal year obligations for my department (which probably would go a lot better if I possessed the ability to even balance my checkbook).

I got home and immediately jumped in my wife’s van with her and Aspie Baby in tow to go to monkey Boys Parent Teacher conference, (which was a complete waste of time as his teacher seemed very disinterested during the whole conversation. The same teacher which we had spoken to at the beginning of the year and explained Monkey Boys particulars with, who told us she’d work with him regarding making sure he brought everything he needed home and wrote down all his assignments is now trying to pass the buck to a student (another fourth grader no less).

We leave there and go get Tantrum Tot from daycare, he’s screaming by the time I pull into the subdivision.

Get him inside and he goes upstairs to terrorize Monkey Boy and our neighbors daughter. Of course he is screaming the whole time and Monkey Boy is screaming as well. Monkey Boy it’s a sweet kid with a big heart but he cannot interact with Tantrum Tot in a manner conducive to maintaining sanity. They are both too rigid in their thinking and end up screaming at each other which leads to Tots losing his temper and Monkey Boy going into meltdown mode.

During all this I tried to get dinner started but ended up being held prisoner by Tot in his room putting foam puzzle mats together while wifey started dinner. (She’s a much better cook anyway).

During this time Aspie Teen was asleep in the recliner sofa with Aspie Baby in his arms. We woke him up in time for dinner and to watch Bones with us. He gets up goes to get himself a drink in the kitchen and manages to shatter a glass.

Of course Tantrum Tot comes running over now Now I have top restrain the Tot and get Aspie Teen to vacuum the glass up in the kitchen which of course brings On another rage episode.

My wife and I gave up trying to eat our food altogether.

Now it’s. 2:45 a.m. and we just got Tantrum Tot top go back to sleep. And of course he woke up at the same time the baby did so my wife has the baby downstairs while I layed downon the floor of Tantrum Tots room trying to get him to go back to sleep.

I have a presentation to do at work tomorrow which I found out about today oh joy, we finally got all kids asleep and now I’m wide awake with only 3 hours till I have to get up and now the baby just woke back up.

They say the Gods must be crazy but right now I think we are.

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This is an ongoing frustration for me being an NT dad & husband. I’m kind of old school in a lot of ways. Dealing with my kids is definitely something that I keep jumping back to my old ways of thinking, (before I found out my wife and kids were Aspie’s.) With.

It frustrates me having to explain everything I say to them. I’ve never liked having to explain my reasoning and motives for every little thing. Especially to kids. I mean I’m the dad right? Shouldn’t “Because I said so” be sufficient reason for a 9 year old?

And shouldn’t  “because I want to”, or “because that’s the way I’ve always done it” or “just because” be enough reason for why I do things? I’m a grown man after all…(my teenaged six pack of a stomach giving way to a man sized 3 liter of a stomach is proof enough of that right?)

But these are things I daily have to remind myself of. My kids and my wife want to and need to understand reasons and motives. They can’t just grin and go with it, because without understanding, they feel lost and sometimes adrift. And though we all feel that way sometimes, my wife and kids really are effected very differently when they feel like that.
This may seem strange to other NT’s and sometimes it may feel like Aspie’s are control freaks…but it’s not really true.  Sometimes it’s just that since their reasoning isn’t the same as ours, they feel extremely disconnected from us because they can’t understand why we’re doing what we’re doing and why.

This causes feelings of panic, anxiety, loneliness and isolation. And confusion! My kid can’t understand WHY he gets  recess taken away when he forgets to have us sign a paper. “But I did my homework assignments !” But getting that paper signed was an assignment too…”But it’s not LISTED as an assignment!” (Even my wife has problems with that one).

So every day I have to take a deep breath, even grit my teeth when necessary…and remember…it’s not insolence…it’s not defiance…it’s just them being them. ..the way they are…and though I would spare them the difficulties they are going to have of I could..I wouldn’t change them for anything.

And of course right when we get Aspie Baby to fall asleep, he pukes all over me, my side of the bed, himself…everywhere!!!!

Gave him an impromptu bath and finally got him to go to sleep!! I’m about to try to follow his example.

So it’s 10:34 p.m. my wife and I were in bed having decided that we’d turn in early and try to get some sleep before Aspie Baby woke up. (He’s got his sleep schedule ALL mixed up)

Tantrum Tot came downstairs crying (he’s been sick), so he got in our bed to lay down. Then of course he puked his guts up on my side of the bed!

Wifey and I got him cleaned up, stripped the bed and got it all re-done, turned around and what did we see? Bright eyed and bushy tailed looking back at me!!!

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Once more no sleep in the Aspie household. Looks like it’s a night full of HGTV and reading on the Kindle Fire tonight.

We are currently back in the doctors office for part two of Aspie Teens diagnosis. They were unable to complete the process last time. So here we are again.

I have Aspie Monkey Boy, Aspie Wife and of course Aspie Baby with me. Monkey Boy came home today near tears due to the fact that I apparently forgot to sign a quiz he had gotten an F on in school which was in his take home folder, which resulted in his losing recess today.

Now it makes no sense to me, that a child would be penalized for something a parent did or didn’t do.  Perfect example is punishing the student because their parents got them to school late. Last time I checked a 9 year old couldn’t drive himself to school!

My wife is livid and can’t let it go and Monkey Boy is beside himself.Parent teacher conferences are next week and wifey is already planning her attack.  Additionally, he left his homework folder in school again so I had to run him back to school to get it again, but when he got home he was near tears and throwing stuff from his book bag around.

Now we are sitting in the waiting room and Monkey Boy has his books on one little table and his bag is dropped in the middle of the floor. Now he has spread across the waiting room to where we are sitting. I told him to get back on his side and leave the empty spaces clear..to which he violently objected and of course his mother couldn’t see what was wrong with it.

These are the little things that drive me crazy being the only NT in the house. No-one understands why I object to certain things which makes me have to explain myself/reasoning which no-one  understands let alone agrees with so my frustration level rises exponentially.

AND the doctor just brought Monkey Boy back to the waiting room because apparently they found him on the stairs going to the attic! He went to another waiting room to watch TV and apparently got bored!!!

Dear God I need a drink.

It’s been a long time…I shouldn’t have left you…without a dope blog to step to…

SORRY!!!!  I wanted to open the blog with the statement “It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here”…and the song “Make Them Clap to This” by Erik B and Rakim flashed across my head!! (Dangers of my AADD brain).

Anyway as you know my wonderful Aspie Wife delivered a wonderful baby boy (our 4th) amidst the usual drama which revolves around our lives. Mom is doing well and recovering from her Synthesis Pelvic Dysfunction with the help of this fantastic Chiropractor where we live (originally from Long Island NY), and plenty of bed rest, even though she keeps trying to over do it.

The labor went well with the use of an Epidural (the first time she’s used it), but the recovery time afterwards has been kind of insane. Despite all our repeated speaking to the doctors and nurses in the hospital regarding her paradoxical reactions to medication, they gave her Percocet, both before and after her delivery. Before she had the baby, we were regulating her intake at home and she was taking half a pill every 3-4 hours instead of the prescribed 1-2 tablets every 2-4 hours as needed. At first she was doing great on it. Then after the epidural, they increased her dosage at the hospital to a whole tablet every 3-4 hours. The day she came home, she continued that dosage, but almost immediately after started having EXTREME panic attacks. I’m talking about staying up till 3 am walking around the van in the parking spot in front of our house drinking a gallon of water, vomiting style panic attacks.

Well of course her being the Aspie minded individual she is, started researching the next day and lo and behold, found out that Percocet can cause panic attacks in those who are already prone to having them! Well my wife had severe panic and anxiety disorders earlier in her life, which we’ve told the doctors…AND I mentioned her reactions to the doctors and nurses at the hospital every chance I got. I’ve come to the conclusion that they just don’t know what these medications can do to people. That the sales reps from the drug companies don’t tell them, and they being the busy professionals they are, never get a chance to research it so they just don’t know before prescribing these meds. It’s the only scenario that makes any sense.

Anyway, we’ve more or less gotten through that stage as the meds left her system. The new baby is doing well, and I’ve had enough time on the books to take off till the end of next week to help her recover. It amazed me that the size of a newborn pamper is about the size of my smart phone!

Phone vs Pamper

I’ve been able to do SO much clean up in the house to get ready, although I still haven’t built up the strength to go into the Cave of Aspie-ness which is the boys room. it took me 3 days to clean out the baby’s room! (remember the a/c hasn’t been working up there all summer so it’s been throw it upstairs and I’ll deal with it later all summer).  The a/c STILL is not working but now at least once I go through the Aspie Cave with a blow torch and a light saber, I can get to the point where I can call someone to take a look at the a/c unit without being MORTIFIED about the state of the house.  I’ve been doing laundry for about a week and am finally at the end of the tunnel in that battle. I fixed the shower in the upstairs bathroom so the boys don’t have to use ours downstairs anymore (go me!) and I went  through the dark vortex which is our laundry room and you can actually walk in there again! I went through the linen closet and still have a large bin of crap to go through and decide what’s staying and what’s going to the laundry room …and I still have to go through my closet and drawers and throw about 80% of my crap away. Also MAJOR victory the Thomas the Train bed is GONE from my living room! I was finally able to get it upstairs and Tot’s asleep in it now! Let’s hope he lasts the whole night up there!

Luckily the boys all love their new brother, especially Tantrum Tot. However, we’ve hit a snag. (You just KNEW that was coming didn’t  you guys?) Tantrum Tot has become increasingly more and more difficult. His meltdowns are coming more frequently and he starts screaming and fighting me and his mother and brothers for the slightest provocations. He gets mad and starts throwing things around (with uncanny accuracy and strength for a 2 year old), and he’s been physically attacking us while screaming at the top of his lungs. The other day after picking him up from day care, we went through the drive through pharmacy (those are COOL, they don’t have those in NYC), and next thing I knew I was hit in the side of the head with his toy phone! He knocked my blue tooth device smack off my head! My wife of course busted out laughing even while in shock…thank GOD I wasn’t actually driving at the time!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

This is what hit me on the side of the head!

The frequency and the intensity of these episodes is VERY concerning for us ESPECIALLY with an infant in the house. It’s been emotionally draining for both me and his mother. The boys don’t/can’t understand what is going on. A trusted Psychologist we know told us to physically restrain him during the more violent outbursts while verbally trying to soothe him. I had to do that the other night and it left him in tears being comforted by his mother and me near tears because I HATED to have to do that to him, but he was really getting out of control and his new brother was in the room and we had to act immediately to ensure Aspie Baby wasn’t hurt.

Today we had to take the Tot with us to Walmart to go grocery shopping since we don’t have a sitter anymore. We HAD to go to Walmart even though we both can’t stand that place…because it’s the only place where they have electric scooter/chairs my wife can use due to her pelvic issues. While he was well behaved for him, he still had a few tantrums (not meltdowns) and caused some more of the hair on my head to go gray. When we got home, even more meltdowns and another violent episode. I gotta tell you I’m getting very very concerned about this. They seem to be increasing and my emotional ability to process them is decreasing. If any of you could steer me towards any good articles on dealing with this I’d really appreciate it!

Anyway I’m going to go try and lay down in between feedings. I can’t wait till this one’s schedule is right!

Where do I begin? I would love to say that all drama stopped the day our little bundle of joy arrived. But you guys, having gotten a glimpse of the drama that surrounds our life probably know better don’t you?

I’ve mentioned before that I have a monster in law from hell. That is me being really nice in my description. To respect my wife’s privacy I’m trying to keep from just blasting the b[+©£ on here…plus you guys don’t really want to read all that. Suffice it to say she’s a huge source of contention instead of a help in our lives. The minimal amount of assistance she ever gives us cannot in any way shape or form equal to the misery and drama she brings in exchange.

The day the baby was born, we called her and picked her up to stay in our house with the boys so I could stay with my wife at the hospital. My wife had also mentioned it to her earlier in the week. She even said that she had packed a bag for when she had to come over.

So why is it that the day we called her and told her it’s time, she raised such hell? ??

I went and got her at 4:30 a.m. I brought her (and her boyfriend of course) to the house telling her to come in quietly so Tantrum Tot wouldn’t wake up. Instead  right before we leave she goes into the bedroom and wakes him up! Now all during the day she’s sending me texts about how they have him outside trying to tire him out so he could take a nap…and I’m telling her HE DOESN’T TAKE NAPS!! EVER!!!

Right before the baby is ready to come, she starts sending me texts fast and furious about how tired she is…Now after the baby is born and I send out the texts/pics/emails to everyone I can think of (not too many people as you all know we don’t have many friends down here except for our neighbors), I call the house to talk to the boys and she’s answering their cell phones telling me when am I coming home because she needs to go home! WHAT??? What happened to packing a bag? You knew I wasn’t coming home…that’s WHY you’re there at the house….that’s why we went shopping and filled the house with food and snacks! That’s WHY you’re there!!! But NO…now she’s actually giving me the crocodile tears and saying she didn’t get anyone to go feed her dog, and her blood pressure meds are home…and she didn’t know she was staying…

Now my wife has a separated pelvis…she had her first epidural in 4 child births…she knows the meds are going to wear off soon and she can’t take anything to help her sleep because of her paradoxal reactions to meds, and her past experience of being drugged into insensibility for almost two years by her “specialists” who were treating her, she gets extreme panic attacks when meds that put her to sleep are given to her. To the point that she will actually come out of drug induced slumber into the middle of a full blown panic attack. She knows that when the meds wear off she won’t even be able to walk to the bathroom unaided and we both know she won’t call a nurse to walk her to the bathroom. Plus she gets panicky when she’s left in strange places by herself.

But I have a 2 year old, a 9 year old and a 14 year old at home that can’t be left by themselves…and if I just don’t go take the idiots home, she will make their lives miserable the rest of the night and the next morning! My wife is in tears. Once again her mother has managed to ruin an occasion that would/should bring my wife joy. She’s not allowed to be happy. Not when her mother isn’t.  I would ask my neighbors to watch the boys, but Tantrum Tot has never stayed with them and he’s a handful and it’s overnight and my neighbor’s husband works night and they have 2 little girls of their own, and it’s already 10:30 p.m. so I can’t ask them.

What ended up happening is that I drove home and packing Tantrum Tot in his car seat took the two idiots to their home fully intending on never seeing them again. She doesn’t acknowledge that anything is wrong…just keeps going on and on about how she has a headache and her meds are home and she needs to get them.  I don’t trust myself to speak to them yet…so I don’t say a word because I know it will take one tiny thing before I do something that might have long lasting negative ramifications on my family…I drop them off…speed home…pack DVD’s and snacks and take the whole bunch of them to the hospital to stay in the room as long as possible. (The room had a DVD player luckily). The plan was if we could get Tantrum Tot to pass out maybe we could pull off an overnighter…

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(The boys in the birthing center)

Well it almost worked. My wife’s meds wore off but they gave her Percocet to counter the pain (THAT is going to be a separate blog post)….but she wasn’t in that much pain…the room was a new experience and the kids were enjoying it…the movies were on…things were going well. Until my kids had to go the snack machine. And then Tot realized he wasn’t in a place that had locks….then it was running out the room…yelling at being dragged in…yelling and being forced to stay in…hitting his brother, hitting me…noise levels were on the rise…patience levels were on the decline…I had to take Monkey Boy and Tantrum Tot home…at 1:30 in the morning. Dragging a screaming Tot through the halls of the hospital. Aspie Teen stayed at the hospital to keep his mother company while I stayed home with the kids. The next day I got Tot to day care, and Monkey Boy to school and went back to the hospital.

We went back to the hospital after school and stayed as late as we could again until Tot once more started losing it…and home we went again.

Her mother started texting again on Saturday wanting to know why we weren’t returning her calls or texts. And of course she managed to walk her
@$$ to the hospital to visit but made us drive her home from there. She still doesn’t see what she did wrong and acknowledge that she did anything wrong.

Now we are all home and trying to get some normalcy established so I can go back to work in a week or so.

Aspie Fetus Has Arrived!

After the longest labor of all four pregnancies, (thank God for epidurals!)…my wonderful Aspie Wife has presented me with my fourth little clone!

The doctor was very patient and ensured my wife and I understood the whole process. He didn’t force her to use the stirrups, he was very supportive and made sure no-one forced my wife to open het legs any further than they had to in order to prevent further complications after the birth due to get separated pelvis.

AND we were blessed with a nurse whose daughter has Asperger’s Syndrome so she was very understanding and supportive.

So without further ado, I introduce Aspie Baby to you!!!

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We’ve been in and out of the labor & delivery center about 4 times in a weeks amount of time.

We actually thought Labor Day would be the day. She was having contractions fast and furiously, with them coming on about every 3-4 minutes for an hour.

On our way to the hospital we McAfee a list of reasons why that would/could be the day…which is right below:

1. Her tooth broke and now she can whistle through her tooth. But she can’t get it fixed until the baby comes out of her.

2. Her Psychologist called to find out if Labor Day had actually turned into Labor Day.

3. She had an incredible urge to take a hot shower and tried to contort her separated pelvis having self into the shower without me there to make sure she didn’t fall.

4. She made me clean out the attic and get rid of all the old baby stuff that didn’t really work anymore.

5. She got a huge burst of giddy stupidity and nervous energy.

6. Each contraction pushed out a fart.

7. It hurt when she laughs (which has been a lot since #5 took hold).

Well yesterday we went to the doctors office and we got stuck in there for five hours because he got called to an emergency twice during the visit!!

Now we are in the hospital again…but this time she’s 5 centimeters dialated and she just convinced one of the nurses to sneak her a popsicle! LOL

Hopefully the next post I put up will be when the baby is here!!!

My wife, who is an Aspie cannot take meds that are supposed to put her to sleep. Instead of going too sleep and staying asleep she regains consciousness and jumps up in a panicked state.

Meds that would put me out for hours (and have) , merely induce a mild state of relaxation in her followed swiftly by the onset of panic.

During dental procedures the novacaine fades almost immediately after her being injected.  Which causes no end of trouble.

I am wondering if any of you have similar experiences when taking such meds?

Our theory is that people with ASD metabolize these chemicals differently.

Please share your experiences with us?

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